This is Duke:) Isn't he soooooostinkin adorable. Our guess is a mastiff cross of some kind. His paws are crazy huge for his size. Guessing about 3 months old. The neighbor lady said he just showed up on her porch. That was about 2 weeks ago. We puppy sat him for her and fell in love. Her aunt(also landlord) said she couldn't keep him. She was leaving him in her house 10-12 hours sometimes not kenneled so he just went to the bathroom wherever and chewed lots of things up so I can completely understand. I mean common he is a puppy!!! But we are excited to have him. He is such a good boy and has a great personality. Him and Bear are meant for each other. They where each other out nicely right before bed so we don't hear a peep out of them till morning:)
I am sure you will see lots more about this guy:)
Bear and him playing:) Gotcha Kohanna!!!
Now I am going to eat you!! Which Kohanna the old grump let him know was not ok right away:)
Mandie came into our lives shortly after she was burned. She is a woman with amazing strength. Her and her 1st husband lived with us for 2 1/2 years. Mandie blended into our family wonderfully. All of my children loved having her live with us. She truly is a kid at heart. While Mandie lived with us, she developed tularemia and it nearly took her life. She really demonstrated her ability to overcome as she battled the disease. Mandie has a love for animals and can not stand to see anyone or any animal hurting. She always found a way to take time and make each person feel special. What I love the most about her is her love for the Lord. I am grateful that Mandie chooses to stay in contact and that she visits when in Oregon.
Well Eric had to work Christmas morning from 4:30 till 11:00 and I had to work at 3:00 so he surprised me and brought two of the ranch horses home with him and we drove out a few miles and took a trail ride for Christmas:) It was such an awesome surprise and such a great way to spend it together. It was sunny, warm and beautiful and the horses were good so it was perfect.
I still can't believe that it is over already. It really just never seemed like Christmas it was to warm, no snow and we didn't have big plans for family and friends. I am so lucky to have my awesome husband to spend holidays with. It is hard not to be lonesome though. I grew up with big family and friend get togethers so to be alone is hard. It is just a hard time of the year. but I did receive a few Christmas cards this year so that was really nice and thanks to my grandparents and my mom we had a few gifts even under our tree:) And thanks to my other grandparents they sent some Christmas money I made it into the doctor so that was good.
I hope and pray everyone else had a great Christmas and now it is on to New Years:) May it be a truly, truly blessed new year:)
Every year seems to speed by faster and faster. I guess that is what you get for getting older and older:) I can't believe how crazy this year has been. From last December to this December we have moved 3 times and lived in 3 different states. Part of me wants to be so frustrated and feel like a failure but what happened to that part of me that use to exist that loved adventure. I guess that part has been told enough that doing that makes us failures and irresponsible. But really looking back I wouldn't change a thing, we have done some awesome things, met some life long friends and got a lot of experience in different kinds of ranching. It has all in all been a great experience. That is not to say it hasn't been frustrating and trying that it has!!! It is just crazy when you look back at things and think how do I get here and I never in a million years would have thought I would be here or doing this. It is amazing what life and GOD can throw at you:) Even as we speak we may make yet another change. This job has been a wreck since we got here and gets worse as it goes so Eric has been just working and I have been looking for other options and we got a surprise one from and email from a ranch in eastern Oregon. Yes OREGON!! I have been wanting to be closer to family and that would put me within a half day drive. So we are praying and seeing what the LORD has for us. But I will miss the Colorado scenery if we move it is amazingly gorgeous here and I was so looking forward to so many awesome adventures here. We will see they may still happen. This is a week I definitely do a lot of reflecting and a lot of dreaming. There are so many things I would like to do and things that I want to experience with my husband. Everyday should be precious and we shouldn't let those simple moments slip by without telling someone we love them, appreciate them or just plain miss them. You never know when it may be the last time you get to see them, talk to them or experience even the simplest things with them. I want to remember that this new year that is coming. To take each day as it comes and to cherish even the littlest of moments.
I ain't much good at prayin', and You may not know me, Lord— For I ain't much seen in churches, where they preach Thy Holy Word. But you may have observed me out here on the lonely plains, A-lookin' after cattle, feelin' thankful when it rains.
Admirin' Thy great handiwork. the miracle of the grass, Aware of Thy kind Spirit, in the way it comes to pass That hired men on horseback and the livestock that we tend Can look up at the stars at night, and know we've got a Friend.
So here's ol' Christmas comin' on, remindin' us again Of Him whose coming brought good will into the hearts of men. A cowboy ain't a preacher, Lord, but if You'll hear my prayer, I'll ask as good as we have got for all men everywhere.
Don't let no hearts be bitter, Lord. Don't let no child be cold. Make easy the beds for them that's sick and them that's weak and old. Let kindness bless the trail we ride, no matter what we're after, And sorter keep us on Your side, in tears as well as laughter.
I've seen ol' cows a-starvin'— and it ain't no happy sight; Please don't leave no one hungry, Lord, on Thy Good Christmas Night— No man, no child, no woman, and no critter on four feet I'll do my doggone best to help you find 'em chuck to eat.
I'm just a sinful cowpoke, Lord— ain't got no business prayin' But still I hope you'll ketch a word or two, of what I'm sayin': We speak of Merry Christmas, Lord— I reckon You'll agree—
There ain't no Merry Christmas for nobody that ain't free! So one thing more I ask You, Lord: just help us what You can To save some seeds of freedom for the future Sons of Man!
My name is Breal - I met Mandie a few years ago. She lived with my family for two years and she instantly became part of the family. She loves animals and being outside, is energetic, and spontaneous.
My sister, mom, and Mandie at the coffee shop that I worked at
We loved to walk the miniature horse and donkeys into town to get coffee (or just ride our horses into town). Mandie brought her teepee and yurt to my parents farm and we would have sleep overs outside. She could always be found outside whether it was playing with the horses, going to the river, or working.
Mandie "riding" Shar
Mandie has not had an easy life. She has faced many hardships and road blocks. When I first met Mandie she had been severely burned on her face and neck (and that's not even the worst of her stories). No matter what life threw at her she always has a positive outlook and continues to praise God.
Cowgirl butts - we were always riding bare back
For the two years that Mandie lived with us we had many adventures: going to the river, rodeos, and even a cruise.
Caribbean Cruise
I will always remember the great times that we had with each other. The cruise was the last adventure we had together before Mandie met her Prince Charming who swept her off of her feet and took her to his castle in Nebraska. She has always been passionate and followed her heart so the decision to move half way across the country to be with the man she loved was not a question of if, but when. I still miss the adventures we used to have but am glad that she is happy and living her life to the fullest.
So 6 years ago I had a terrible accident. I was working as a barn manager at an Arabian barn and we had some very high profile clients coming to look at some of our sale horses. So I was trying to get everything looking perfect. It had been a rainy couple days and we had a lot of trash that needed burned. But since it was wet it wouldn't burn. So I went to get some diesel and we didn't have any so I grabbed the gas(ok I know stupid) and went back to the burn barrel. I emptied the couple tablespoons that were left in the close able spout and I thought being safe I would go put gas can back in shed and then I took a piece of paper, you know trying to be safe and lit it and tossed it toward the burn barrel. In an instant I am sure you know what happened it exploded and caught me on fire. Not a flash burn, I was on fire, I could here myself burning it was my head and arm. I kept my eyes closed and started patting myself furiously and got the it out. Our stall cleaner came running and I thought she was going to pass out. I started praying immediately for the LORD to keep me calm, and safe. We called 911 just to see what I should do and they of course sent an ambulance. They wanted to life flight me and of course me not wanting a big bill said no and I didn't even want to go in the ambulance. I was worried about my job, the horses and such. I did give in and get in the ambulance. I knew it was bad. When I got to the hospital they wanted to put me on all kinds of pain meds and such and I said NO I just kept praying. They were amazed and kept commenting that the prayers must be working because with burns that bad we usually have to sedate the person and such. I was scared and in a lot of pain without a doubt but I had a peace also that GOD would fix it all. I hadn't seen myself and when finally they allowed me to use the restroom I saw myself in the mirror for the first time....A MONSTER...AN UNRECOGNIZABLE MONSTER. You couldn't tell I was human, that I was boy or girl I was UGLY!! I broke down for the first time. I never thought I would be the same and I knew without GODS miracle I would be deformed forever. I prayed. When I was released I was walking out of the hospital and a woman let out a little scream when she saw me. You can imagine how I felt:( People would stare and gasp when they saw me. My surgeries were scheduled and my doctor was telling me all I would have to go through but I knew it wouldn't happen and GOD did a miracle. I got better in record time. Not to say it didn't take quite a while but it was miraculous and the doctor even had to admit it was a miracle:) We also found out due to deep cuts on my face that someone had put aerosol cans in the burn barrel and that is what shot out and hit me and caught me on fire. I never, never recommend abusing flammables. Even being safe is VERY VERY DANGEROUS!!! All I have is a little scaring around my lips and a smaller side of my nose than the other and you can't notice unless you are looking close. I do have problems in the cold of it feeling like I am on fire but if that is all I live with I am blessed.
The following pictures are VERY VERY graphic and this was a while after I had been burned. I wish I had taken them sooner now looking back but I was so devastated at the way I looked.
Now without make-up. There are a few things that are still there but not enough to worry about considering the alternative!! Thank you LORD for your miracles!!!! I have had a lot of them from you.
I think this would be a fun way to get to know me:) I don't have many people close to me that know I have a blog. I have kept it that way so that I didn't feel like I had to sensor myself because of others. But I do have a few people who are extremely close to me that I have asked to guest blog. I have asked them to be open, honest and let y'all know who they know me as:) I think this will be a very fun learning experience. So be looking for those guest blogs soon:) There will probably be 3 guest bloggers:)
I don't normally get to worked up by things but lately I am sooooo tired of rude people. We have still been on the look out for work and I happened upon this ad. I was really ticked when I read it for many reasons. Here is the ad.
Live in horse farm/small business secretary and factotum Job Type: Full-time Location: Brunswick Cty. Date Posted: Oct-10-2010 01:13 AM
I can offer a very good living arrangement on a horse farm for the right person. you must be honest and trustworthy, a faithful Christian, slender and energetic enough to go horseback riding regularly year round, educated and smart enough to enjoy intelligent conversation. You must posess office working skills and be willing to help out in general with my small business. the free living arrangement includes $300 monthly stipend. There is also the possability for greater compensation by further developing the business and/or if you have the skill needed to give beginners riding lessons and trail boss trail riding customers. For the live in situation Please only apply if you are single and totally unattached.
The words in red made me hot! I mean to assume that you are only fit and able to ride regularly if you are slender is BS. I know I am overweight and I know that I am working on it but that is just plain rude and then to say faithful christian. As a christian I just don't think it is right for me to judge someone on there looks, or weight. I mean yes we all do it in some way but really to write that in an ad for employment come on!!!! Sorry there is my vent for today!!
I was driving home and praying as always that the LORD would show me where he wants me and such. Then this song came on. It still didn't answer any of those questions but it did answer how I should deal with it and my attitude. You may not like this singer but if you listen to the words it is amazing!!!! It is the climb by Miley Cyrus. I will post the video and the words.
The Climb lyrics Songwriters: Alexander, J; Mabe, J;
I can almost see it That dream I am dreaming But there's a voice inside my head saying "You'll never reach it"
Every step I'm taking Every move I make feels Lost with no direction My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be a uphill battle Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waiting on the other side It's the climb
The struggles I'm facing The chances I'm taking Sometimes might knock me down But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it But these are the moments that I'm gonna remember most, yeah Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong Just keep pushing on
'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be a uphill battle Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waiting on the other side It's the climb, yeah!
There's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be an uphill battle Somebody's gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waiting on the other side It's the climb, yeah!
Keep on moving, keep climbing Keep the faith, baby It's all about, it's all about the climb Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa
I know we don't truly "belong" in this world but we are here and I really want to know where I belong here. I just feel like I am wasting precious time doing nothing. I feel like there is a bigger purpose for me. With that said I have NO IDEA WHAT IT IS!!! I could come up with a million things I am sure but that wouldn't be my true purpose. I really just have no idea where I am suppose to go or what I am suppose to do! I see everyone around me doing things(having kids, amazing careers, etc.) and me not a thing. I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want to be broke, sad, stagnate. I want to be doing something with our life. But really truly deep down I have no idea how to get out of the predicament we are in and really where to go so we aren't in anymore predicaments. I just really really don't know what the LORD has planned for my life. I know we aren't suppose to know it all but it would be nice to feel as though I am doing something. So please LORD help me to see what you want me to do.
So we have both decided we are to trusting and bad judge of characters when it comes to these jobs. This time it wasn't like we had much of a choice on the job that we took since we had to be out of our other place. I know everyone is probably tired of hearing about our job drama and the complaining and I am sorry but this blog was to get out what was going on in my life and this is what is going on in our life. It is soooooooooooo hard to find a good ranch it seems. We really thought these people were going to be the ones but we are finding out daily the nightmare we took on. For one we haven't gotten either of our paychecks on time and have had to call and call to get them and when you live paycheck to paycheck you can't have that. Then the first paychecks bounced and we were told from the other employees that wasn't the first time and that they are always late. Then they decided they don't want to take taxes out on us so we have to pay more and such. Not to menchin it is soooooooooooo unorganized and a huge disgusting mess around here. We have at least a dozen cows out everyday and night and we live next to the road and railroad tracks so that is never fun. But no one else lives on the property so it is us out there getting them but they don't want to spend the money to put up a hot wire to prevent it. Then Eric asks the owner for something and the manager came unglued and was mad at him for asking him and not himself. We were told at the interview we could go to either of them. It doesn't help that the manager really doesn't know much and spends more of the day on his phone or talking and not working and then wonders why nothing gets done. Sorry for the vent. We have been here 5 weeks and Eric has had a total of two half day offs. Well really not even that. He goes to work 5-5:30 and usually isn't off till 7. I know ranch life is hard and lots of work and we aren't afraid of the work but when you still haven't even gotten unpacked because you haven't had time that isn't good. And then the pay does not make up for it. Plus having to pay the utilities, water, etc makes a big difference.
We are still looking and looking at other options. We love the ranch life but if we can't find an organized, normal person to work for it won't work out and we can't keep moving around. We have thought about getting out of it altogether but we can't afford to get our own place. With our bad credit from all the medical and loosing the house during all that and then the first, last and deposits we just can't do it. We have had a lot of rude comments and mean things said to us and yes on the outside it may look easy to do things but if you walk in someone Else's shoes you will see the difficulties. I have really learned that through everything the last few years, not to judge and to look at it from a different perspective.
So please continued prayers would be awesome. I start my little part time job today and then I will ad another part time job soon also so please pray my body gets better. My back has been really bad and I am feeling prity tired and sick lately so It hasn't been the best of times. Thank you for all your support and prayers you have NO idea how much they mean!!!!
So of course with the move and everything we didn't bring our Christmas stuff in the first load it is all still in South Dakota in storage. We thought we would make it back soon, but that was a big yeah right!!! So all we are going to do this year is lights on the house and a tree. Eric hasn't had a day off since we got here so we were so excited when he got a half day off last Sunday. I had looked online and found a really cool u-cut place. So we headed off that way. It was the most beautiful tree farm and so full of Christmas spirit with hay rides, cider, and such. But when we went to get the tree the prices were stinkin outrageous. Ugly, and I mean ugly trees started at $60 and any we like or our size were $110-$135. We said no way!!! so we just enjoyed seeing the horses and such and then headed back to town to try and find a tree. We went to walmart and no way they were all literally brown and half dead. The guy said he could do half price. I said I don't want to pay half price to burn down my house thanks. So I was bummed knowing we wouldn't get another chance anytime soon and we wouldn't have enough time to find our way to the forest to cut our own so as a last resort we tried home depot of all places and behold and affordable, beautiful prity fresh tree:) I am still praying for a new camera. A nice one that will take amazing pictures:) Sorry these aren't the best and it definitely does not do the tree justice but it is a cute tree. My handsome picked the tree out and I made most of the decorations and such. It was fun to do together:) Hope everyone is having a very blessed Christmas season!!!
So I got the job at the horse barn. It is only 4-5 days a week for a couple hours but hey it is a start:) I will get to be around lots of horses and horse people:) It is a boarding facility but they also have a trainer that works there that is from New Zealand and she does hunter jumper and then they do dressage. I am prity excited about that. I so love so many riding disciplines so this will be great. I will get to watch them work while I work:) I will have to get pictures someday and post of the place. Simple but nice is a great description:) Just sooooooooooo excited!!!!
So I have a job interview tomorrow at a barn south of here. It is only part time but hey it is money and it will get me working around horses again which I miss soooooooooo very much. I am just going to be feeding, mucking, etc. But who knows it may open other doors also. You never know. That is what happened last time....went from stall cleaner to full barn manager. So please say a prayer for me that this would workout great for me. And part time right now would probably be great with my back and such hopefully this work will help strengthen it back up again:) I am just so very, very excited:) Can't wait!!!!
I gotta get going I need to get my Christmas lights up today and then get our tree sometime this weekend. It is going to be a cowboy tree complete with a cowboy hat topper:) I will post pics when we get it done:)
It is time again this year for crystal peaks to sell there 2011 calendars. Actually they are free but would encourage donations. I would highly recommend these as they have great picture from the ranch with scriptures that fit. It is a great way for the ranch to share what they do through the year and to make some money for the ranch. This is an awesome, awesome organization and they do amazing things for the LORD, kids and horses. Not to menchin anyone who has visited the ranch. I know it changed my life and brought me hope when I needed it!!!! They are amazing and there website is great. If you have not read Kim's books you need to they are awesome!!!!!! I can't say enough about this place and how they truly are there to serve not to get rich or feel good about themselves. This place is all about GOD's work and what he has for everyone there!!!
So if anyone would like to take the time and donate for a really neat calendar and help a lot of people with such a small gesture this is a great place to do that. Thanks:)
Well I had a great thanksgiving spending it with my grandparents. It was sooooooo nice to get to spend it with family and with two people who have always loved me and supported me through a lot of very rough times. So it was nice to be thankful for them and with them this year. We got some more done around the house as my back is still messed up so they helped a lot and then we spent time playing games of course:) Poor Eric had to work all but thanksgiving afternoon so he was sad to not see much of them but grateful they were here:)
The job has been frustrating but we are just happy to have one and a place to live. But our first paycheck was 6 days late and after moving that isn't a good thing. On top of that all the checks bounced they wrote and that wasn't the first time we have heard so that concerns us a lot. Why can't people just be up front and honest in interviews!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not like we had much of a choice with needing to be out of our old place. But we will work hard and keep looking around also.
We love the ranch life but it is hard to find good, responsible people to work with. It seems like in the ranch world it is either the ranch owners are great or not. And if they are great they keep their help and treat them well. That is what we REALLY want to find:) We were hoping this is was the place but as of right now don't think so. But we will keep good attitudes and give it a good try.
Well hope everyone had a great and blessed thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!
Here are just a couple of quick pics I took since we have been here. This ranch is not big and open like all our other ranches. It is A LOT smaller and sits between two towns so it is weird being back in civilization:)
Our little house during one of the first snows
Here is Kohanna enjoying his favorite cold weather and snow.
Then there is Bear in one of his many "action" shots:)
The view off my front porch of the Rockies. BEAUTIFUL this picture does not do it justice. I sooooooooo need to get a better camera.
Here are my other two babies that I finally got to bring home:) I am just so thankful for the browneyedangels that took such good care of them but so happy to have them with me close by:)
I will get pictures up soon of our new place. There is still so much to get done. My back being hurt really has screwed things up. I usually take care of everything once we pull in the driveway. Now I can't lift much or anything so that is very frustrating for me. We need to get our horse fence up but I can't pound the posts so I am trying to get the boys to step it up and get that done so I can bring my babies home:) Thank gosh for browneyed angels that have been taking such good care of them. I just can't wait to look out the window and see them again:)
My grandparents are going to drive up from Arizona and see us for thanksgiving. They will be here on Monday so I am very excited for that:) It will be soooooo awesome to spend a holiday with them, I haven't spent a holiday with them since I was very very young. The only thing is that means I got a lot of cleaning and unpacking to do before then and also got to find some very very cheap used furniture:) We didn't bring our furniture with us since it wouldn't fit in the trailer plus it was freebies from craigslist so we were hoping to maybe find something a little more comfortable and nice here so we don't have to use up space in the next trailer load we still have to go get from South Dakota.
I can't believe it is officially "the holidays" now. I love the holidays and am already listening to Christmas music:) Well better get back to some boxes:)
I have to say that I was never a weak, negative, sad, unhappy person. I was one of those people you just wanted to punch in the face because no matter what was thrown at me I could just shrug it off or roll with the punches. REALLY WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT GIRL!!!!
I have to say I worry alllllll the stinkin time anymore and I am really frustrated and down a lot. I do not want to be that person and I really really do try and fight that. I can pinpoint when that all changed. I really believe it was in 2005 when I got the tularemia. Before that I could do anything physically and I was prity thin and happy with my body for the most part(as happy as most women can be:)) I really felt good about myself and who I was at that time. There were parts of my life that weren't so great(like being married to not the best man in the world) But as far as me I was happy. Then that disease hit and it wrecked me. I cannot even begin to tell you the toll it took on me mentally and physically. I should be dead. I am not saying that to be dramatic either I am being honest it wrecked every part of my body and took all my muscle, strength and everything I had. If it weren't for my dear friend Brenda I would have been dead. It was also then that it was one of those times "you find out who your friends are" and really I was shocked to see not many.:( It hurt me and it really really made me sad and to be honest I don't think I have ever recovered from that. I am a people pleaser and I can't stand it if people don't like me or say bad things about me, it hurts me to the core. So that was a very rough time. But since that disease my body has just seemed to wreakhavoc with itself and I have never regained the strength and determination I had before. I want it back. oh and believe me I have tried to "PUT ON MY BIG GIRL PANTIES AND GET OVER IT!!!!!" But honestly I don't know how. And I hate the expression but that is for another rant sometime:)
I just don't want to be one of those negative, unhappy, weak people but how do I get out!!! I want to be healthy, happy and full of life. But I really don't know how people do that daily that feel like I do daily physically. I need to spend more time praying and more time being thankful for what I do have that is what I need to do. There is a lot of people out there worse of than me and in more pain than I and I should be thankful that isn't me and praying for them.
I just want to be that healthy, vibrant, bubbly person I was. The one who could look at the bright side of everything. I really just hope my job syndrome is over soon I don't want anymore!! Thank y'all for the prayers and support it REALLY REALLY does make a difference.
Well we are here and I finally have Internet to catch up on all your lives:) We left our place at like 6am Wednesday morning last week and got to grand junction area at 11pm that night. That is a VERY VERY long and very stressful trip with my old mare. She did way better than I thought but we had to stop quite a few times and let her out. I have been soooooooooooo beyond stressed out about moving them and finding a good place as the place Eric will be working doesn't have good facilities for an older horse. SOOOO THANK GOD FOR BROWNEYED ANGELS:) They are staying with one right now. I am looking like mad for a different place for them. I will have to get them here in a couple of days but if it weren't for her I would be beyond a nervous wreck it made all the difference in the world to have someone I could trust watch them while we get settled and a place for them. Also I hurt my back the day we pulled in here at the house and ended up in the hospital for a couple of days so thank gosh someone was there for them. I could never say how thankful I am!!!! Now I am looking like mad for a place for my babies that will be good for them. So please everyone pray for that for us I know it helps immensely:)
Well got to go rest my back now and stare at all the stuff I can't do. But it will get done eventually:) I will post pics when I can!!
So GOD willing we will be leaving tomorrow bright and early. I am not sure how as I am looking at about another day or two worth of work and it is 11pm. But hopefully it will get done quickly. Then we will be on our way to our new home in Colorado.
I have been sooooooooooo beyond stressed about this move. But thanks to a real true angel who has offered a safe place for my mare for a little while till I find her a good place near me I have been able to not be sooooo stressed. I can't believe that a person I have never met can be so kind. I can't even begin to say how grateful and blown away I am. I thank GOD for angels like her:) The LORD answers prayers and in such awesome ways:)
Well we won't have Internet till probably Friday or so. I will update everyone then:) Thanks for all the prayers and kindness I can never tell y'all how much it means!!!!!! It REALLY REALLY does help!!!
So I have been beyond stressed out about the move!!! I have been shaking like crazy and just plain nauseous even more than usual. I am not worried about us or the small animals just worried about the horses. I don't want anything bad to happen to them and it is a long stressful trip for them and a new place again. I do have a little secret angel in Colorado that is trying to help me out with my mare;) That does make me feel A LOT better.
This is a long trip and our truck has 320,000 miles on it and even though it has been going strong this trip will be a lot to ask of it with it loaded down for moving and with horses and then a second trip back to get the rest of our stuff. So please everyone pray for a safe, uneventful trip:) It would REALLY REALLY help. We will probably be leaving here early early am Tuesday to try and still get to there in the daylight for the horses sakes.
Last night though I was laying in bed praying and asking GOD for peace and comfort and I picked up my bible and he had me open it to Philippians and it was the perfect thing I could have read. It made things a lot better!!!!!
do not be anxious about anything; but instead pray about everything. Tell GOD what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience GOD's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
So it looks like Colorado is going to be home for us:) We are both sooooooo very very excited. It will be so awesome to wake up every morning and see the mountains:) This is a big leap of faith and that faith is in GOD. We pray this is going to be our permanent home and that GOD will show us what he wants us to do here:) Now we got to get everything packed and pray the weather stays good until we get the horses over the mountain passes safe. I just pray and hope this is not only good for us but for our "kids"(the animals:))
Look forward to seeing what Colorado has in store for us. I so look forward to when I can go skiing someday:) Been so long since I have gotten to do that. It has been a dream of mine to go to Vail or Aspen and to stay and go on a sleigh ride who knows maybe someday that will happen since we will be living so close:)
Well we got home yesterday evening from the western slope of Colorado. We had a job interview there with a little ranch/farm. The people were extremely nice and of course the area is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! I SOOOOOOOOO love the mountains!!! They are suppose to let us know if we got the job end of the week. So we might be moving down there soon.
We loved the area and think it would be perfect for us but my only hesitation is taking my horse down there. I finally have her fat and happy for the first time in years. I am just so nervous to move her to a new area and have her loose weight. Also they do not have a place for us to have our horses on their own they would be thrown in with their horses and moved through different pastures. That does not make me very happy. If she wasn't older and on a special diet wouldn't be a big deal but I like to keep her close to watch her, feed her, and she needs a water heater in winter or she doesn't drink enough. I KNOW, I KNOW high maintenance but she didn't grow up a ranch horse and she has done everything in the world I have ever asked of her so I can't not take the best care of her. I am thinking I could find a place close by to board her so that she would have shelter, constant hay and such.
I have been thinking about it the past few days and I just can't quit blogging at least not yet. I like what my friends TJandMark said they use it as a way to remember things. That is why I started this whole thing in the first place was to just keep track of my life and see where the LORD takes me:) I have let that get lost in trying to think I have to make it interesting to people and getting my feelings hurt. It is just truly to mark my journey in this life and that's what I would like to continue to do. It is nice to have people read and to see what people think so I want to keep doing it.
With that said things are really upside down and crazy since we lost our job. We have been searching hi and low for something. We would like to stick with ranching but we are open to other options but we have to make sure we can afford housing and such. I know things would be easier if we didn't have pets and I know there are probably a million ways we have screwed up or could have saved money but we can't change that now but we can change the future but the pets are my "kids" so they will stay and we can work on the rest:)
We have another very promising interview Saturday and hopefully this will be the one as we really really need to get out of this place. We are both just ready to move and leave all the negative behind. God will show us where he want us ranch, city, wherever and we are both open and listening for his guidance and he has been guiding us so far. If we didn't have him we would have nothing. The stress and not knowing has been so hard but I couldn't imagine what it would be like without GOD. It would be unbearable.
Thank you to all who have been kind, supportive and also honest. I do love hearing from everyone!!!!!
So I have been thinking about quiting my blogging. I really enjoy reading every ones blogs and seeing what life has in store for them. But I am not sure that my blog is contributing what I would like it to. I will keep reading every ones as I really enjoy it. May the LORD bless every ones live immensely. Thank y'all for your support and prayers and comments. I have really enjoyed getting to know some of my fellow bloggers. You never know I may decide to do it again but for now I will say good bye.
We are sooooooooooooooooooooo excited. We have an interview at a ranch outside of ShoshoniWyoming tomorrow. This job sounds like a great opportunity. So we are praying and hoping it is the job for us:) We have found out all to well that things sound great but turn out to be nothing like they said. So we are pray, pray, praying. Without GOD we would be in big trouble. So we trust in him and know he will take care of us. :)
So we are on the hunt again for another job. I haven't written about all the troubles here but it has been getting worse and worse. Our boss has just really been being a jerk more and more. He is rude, has no communication and gets mad about everything. We should have known the first day! Let me say that during the interview he seemed so nice and we were really open and honest about what we were looking for and wanted out of a job and it seemed like a perfect fit. So the night before we were suppose to start work we talked to him and asked us what time he wanted Eric out to work and where to meet and such. He said I will pick you up at your house at 7am. So at 6:45 sitting at the table watching for him to pull in well 7 comes and nothing then about 7:15 he drives right by the driveway so Eric figured he was going to do something and come right back. Well 7:30 still no boss so Eric walked over to the barns he headed towards and the boss says we start at 7 around here. Should have know because since then has been nothing but that. Tell us to do something, we do it how he wants us to tell him it is done and he gets mad and says I didn't want that done. We say you just told us to and exactly how he told us and then he gets even more mad and says well that's not what I meant. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! I honestly have never met someone you can't figure out how to do what they want to make them happy. I honestly think he is truly bipolar. Doesn't help he is older so he is mostly deaf and doesn't remember things a lot.
The other thing is that the other guy on the ranch is a Hispanic man. Which I have NO problem with but I do have a problem with us getting in trouble when he doesn't understand the boss and tells us to do something and we do and then the boss says that is not what he asks and then the guy lies to ours and the boss's face and says that is not what he said that we weren't listening. Not to menchin we were told this guy was the best ranch hand that anyone could ever have and they brag about him all the time and make Eric feel like crap but the guy doesn't know how to calve, can't fence, doesn't know how to do anything mechanical, has had a lot of animals die under his watch and takes all day to do things that should only take an hour. That aside who cares right he isn't us but then Eric will be doing extra things or hard things that no one else can do and nothing but rude comments and such.
Anyways I could vent all day!!!! but now as of yesterday and another one of his boss's great communications we have to look for something else. I don't know how long we have to find something and such he was so mad yesterday he said it was our last day. So as of right now I am in panic mode but really trying to just lean on GOD. We don't have anywhere else to go and no money to go anywhere so honestly without a miracle from the LORD we are in DEEP DEEP DEEP trouble. So please say a prayer for us, we could really use it. Thanks!!!!
Ok so I have been crocheting baby blankets for friends and family for a while and everyone has told me I need to sell them. I have really not thought about it till a friend of mine told me she was doing a craft fair this month and said I should make some up and come with her and see how they sell. So I have been busy, busy and have 4 done so far and am hoping to have 10 at least. Here is where I need your help. I need to know if this is even something I should try to sell and my biggest dilemma is how much to charge for them. I know I will never make enough to make a lot for all the time I put in them but I enjoy it so I don't expect to get rich. I am not sure even how long they take probably 6-8hrs each and they cost me around $8.00 to make. So please let me know what you think, I would really appreciate it:)
I am just so excited it is October. I love, love, love the fall and even more my favorite holiday is Halloween:) I just love Halloween. I am a kid at heart for sure. I love to dress up and be someone I am not for a night:) I am not sure what we will be doing this year as my grandma is going to be here visiting so I am not sure what we will be doing but I know the neighbor kids will probably at least come by so I will dress up for that:)
I got to get my decorating done this weekend. I can't wait to decorate the new house:) New house= need a few new decorations:) Below is a few pictures from a past Halloween:)
Eric's costume was so appropriate for the bar costume party:)
So our anniversary trip started out prity stressful. We had been asking for time off so we could figure out where we were going and get reservations but our boss kept saying he wasn't sure what was planned so when Saturday came along we knew we could leave after work and have Sunday off but we planned on going to the buffalo round up in Custer on Monday morning but our boss said he may call and we would have to go home and haul cows. So we just said we will wing it and do what we can. With not knowing if we would have to come right home we couldn't go very far so we headed for the blackhills. We ended up staying Saturday night in keystone. I love keystone so it was a nice evening with dinner in the little town and then back to the hotel for swimming and such.
Then Sunday which was our actual anniversary we decided to hike harney peak which is the highest point in South Dakota at 7,242 ft. It is a 6 mile round trip but it is a prity good hike especially the end is prity steep. but my gosh when we got to the top the view is amazing!!!! I could have stayed up there all day:) It is an amazing hike. But of course my body had to go and ruin it some. I was shaking like crazy, dizzy and my eyes wouldn't focus right. My face and arm were numb most of the time. But I just prayed and kept on going enjoying the beauty around me and my wonderful husband!!!
Tower at top of harney peak
only a little of the view
We also had a surprise and got to meet up with some friends from Missouri. They called us when we were on top of harney peak and we decided to meet up with them and they wanted to take us out for supper and we would stay at the same hotel as them. They were also going to go to the buffalo round up in the morning. It was a wonderful time.eric and john watching buffalo round-up. They said there was 14,000 people there.
Monday morning we waited and luckily the boss didn't get the fuel permits so we didn't end up having to be home that day. We got to the line for the buffalo round up in Custer state park at 5:30 am and we were still like about a mile or more back and waited for the gates to open at 6:15am. People usually get there at 3am to be first in line to sit at the fence. It was fun but warm and you wait about 5 hrs for about 15 minutes of seeing the buffalo come down the hill around and into the gates. It is beautiful!!! I want to be one of the riders that helps bring them in but one person told us a friend had done it and paid $1800 to do it. No thanks!!! buffalo heading wrong way:)
1500 head hitting to 12 ft wide gates all at the same time. I think I wouldn't have done it that fast and I don't think they ment to.
loved seeing the flags in with the round up
eric watching them as they grazed waiting to be put into the branding pens.
Monday evening we went through deadwood on our way home and ate dinner and seen the celebrity hotel museum. It was a great anniversary for just winging it:) I am just so blessed to have such an awesome husband:)
I can't believe it is almost here! Our 1st anniversary is Sunday. I can't believe we are finally here. After everything we went through to have our wedding it is a miracle. We are just blessed that the LORD knew what was better for us than everyone else:) My life was truly changed and blessed when Eric came into my life. He is my knight in leather armor:)
I can't even begin to tell you how much I love this man. He is sweet, loving, hardworking, funny, and soooo understanding. He has had to deal with my family, his family, many many hospital trips and bills, and he has done it without being angry or upset with me. He has never made me feel bad or guilty. That may seem like that is the way it should be and yes it is but believe me it isn't always that way and in my life everyone before has always done that to me. I am the luckiest girl in the world to be married to such a man:) Not to menchin I think he is prity darn cute:)
I think we are going to head over to devils tower for a night and ride horses and such, then over to Custer state park SD to watch the buffalo round up. I know it will be a special time, just because we will be together and that is something to cherish:) OHHHHHHH and Eric took my wedding ring into get it sized so I will FINALLY get to wear it:) I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited can't you tell:)
I just love the ranch life!!! I love even more sharing that ranch life with others. This past week we were so blessed to have some of my distant family visit. They loved seeing all the things we do on the ranch. We went out to check cows am & pm. They got to see how we weigh and ship out. But of course we had to ad some fun in there with trips to deadwood and Rushmore and such also. It was a blast!!!
I love seeing the awe in people faces when they see the ranch. When people come from big cities this much land seams endless to them:) We are blessed to live this life and so blessed to be able to work and play together:) Here are a few pictures of our fun:)
John and Kathy on our ranch
They loved their personal ranch vehicle:)
us gambling in deadwood-me the big spender of $4 but won $10
I can't believe it has been 9 years since the attacks on 9-11. Where were you when it happened?
I was working at wild bunch ranch outside of driggsidaho, bordering the Teton mountains. Amazing views and an amazing job. I was working with wild animals that were raised for movies, picture, commercials, etc. I was out feeding and realized it was really quite for the morning as hot air balloons had been going over every morning for the last week and the airport didn't have any planes leaving it. Never really thought of why till the boss came out and told us of what was going on. Since we were living in the tipi at that time we of course didn't have power so we went into the boss house to watch some of the news. Just crazy!!!
I have always struggled with this. My whole life I have always felt like I haven't mattered to anyone. I know I matter to my husband but I really have a hard time not mattering to others. I know that I should let that get me down or let that make me feel sad or insecure but to be honest it does. IT REALLY DOES!!! I just feel like if I was gone it wouldn't matter and that really hurts me!!! I know this is a downer subject but how else do we get to know ourselves and how to we get past things if we can't be honest about things!
I just look back through my life and I haven't really mattered to many people. Even my own parents. I was never a priority and if I was they made feel like crap for being a priority. Even "friends" I would try and be loyal do everything I could for them and they would betray me or drop out of my life when something better came a long. I am lucky to have my husband and my best friend Candi. Candi has never turned her back on me or made me feel bad for choices ever. She has loved me and been there no matter what. I am soooooooo very very blessed to have her but it is so hard to be so far from her. I feel so blessed to have her. But it is still hard when I look back and see how much of my heart I have given to others and they have just thrown it out when they didn't like something I did or when they found something more exciting in life to do. I look back and it was like I didn't even exist in their lives and that I didn't even matter:( I can't tell you how much that hurts!!!
I see people and friends who are surrounded by friends and family that love and adore them. Who get excited about them and the things they are doing in life. They celebrate exciting things with them with love, parties and such and they grieve with them when things are tough. They always have someone to turn to in times of need. I guess I feel jipped that Eric and I don't have that:( Really it probably is a blessing in disguise as it really has taught me to lean on GOD but it is sad also. I am not saying that everyone should agree with my decisions or that I am against their advice or anything because I need it and I respect it but I just wish they could love me and still tell you I told you so!
I just find myself not so excited about life:( I have never been like that and it makes me even sadder to feel like that. I just wish I had that "family" that would be excited with me and that would want to celebrate and grieve with me when I need it. TO BELONG!!!! I can't believe I am actually writing this but I can't seem to figure out how to keep from feeling like this but maybe acknowledging the feelings will help to break through them!!!
So we have spent like around $2,500 on the last 3 doctor visits and still no answers!!! GRRRRRR!!! They are hoping it is just because my thyroid levels but it has been two years and they still haven't gotten them right. There is something that is causing that. I am tired, nauseous, and my hands and face go annoyingly numb. And that is just a few of the issues. I try to just ignore it and push through it but it makes it hard and things are really hard to enjoy when you feel so crappy!!! I think what is even more frustrating is trying to find a doctor who actually cares and you are just not another number and to find one that will take what you say and try and figure it out not just blow it off. Especially when you don't have insurance and we have to pay all the visits out of pocket you don't want to be just waisting money. My biggest concern is that the cancer will return or have spread. We just can't afford to go in for all the follow up tests every 6 months. Most of the doctors rely on the blood tests to reveal if there is cancer in the blood but I don't like that. As when they found my cancer they were shocked and had no idea. If I wouldn't have pushed to have my thyroid removed it would have been really advanced. I don't want to wait till cancer is to far advanced to find out. Everyone knows the earlier it is diagnosed the better chances of cure. I am not going to worry myself to death about it but I am not going to bury my head in the sand and assume it will never happen to me....Again! I just really hope it is just getting my thyroid meds right and then...poof....feel great again:)
I still hold back a lot of things that I want to write. I feel bad about whining or that I am just being a downer but really it is just about getting my thoughts out there and sharing my struggles and I so love hearing feedback.
I have just really been struggling this past year with feeling so restless and unhappy. I have lost a lot of hope in myself, people, etc. I have never been one to feel that way in even the most impossible of situations. So for me it has been really really tough!! I just hate feeling like there is nowhere to go or no way to change the rut or path we are on. I know it is easy to say anyone can change their lives or it is just you got to do it. But really it isn't that easy. I am not afraid of hard work or challenges or at least I never have been before. But now I really feel trapped. I wonder if I really am suppose to be doing something different or if I am just fighting what the LORD has for me here. Honestly there are a lot of things that I think I would love and be good at but really no way to get there. Some people have great talents or certain qualities that make it so they can advance in jobs and life. But me really...... nothing!! I am not saying I am stupid or worthless or anything of the sort so please don't misunderstand me but I don't have any real talents and I am not really smart in any kind of field or such so I just really don't know what I can do to change my status. I am not saying I give up hope and I am not saying there is anything necessarily wrong with my life or such but I just don't fell like I fit in it. Does anyone else feel like they don't fit in their life???
The only thing I am sure about and know in my heart is where I belong is by Eric's side, but the rest is all in the air:) I am not sure if I should stay ranching, if there is a ministry that I should be working in, if I should be living somewhere else, or really anything. I have spent a lot of time in prayer asking GOD to show me where he would have me and what he wants me to be doing! Guess I just need to be patient and see what he has in store for me:) As you can see I am not very patient:)
I guess I just really wonder where I belong here. So many people have family and friends that are their world. Some have their careers and such. Other than Eric I feel very lonely. Me and Eric don't have families we can lean on and we don't have a lot of friends that are true friends. In life it is hard to find TRUE friends. The ones that will stick with you through it all. Ones that will be honest but love you anyways. The couple of friends I have like that I cherish with all my heart. They all live in different states and it is so hard being away from them. I have always been a people person and always been one to go and do. So it is hard not to have that. I thought I would get use to it but I seem to get more and more restless everyday!!! I feel so bad for Eric having to deal with me:) He does so much and the last couple of weeks has been a blast with him going to Sturgis, the fair, concerts and so many other fun, cheap things in our area:) I love it!!!
Sorry this was long and kind of rambling but hey this is just a place to get it all out right:)
