I hate the mirror!!!(updates included)

Ok so I know every woman feels like this at some point! But I feel like this all the time. Not only does the weight part bother me but now it seems like I have aged 1o years in the last few months. I know the stress I am sure hasn't helped but I just feel ugly to be honest. I have never really been one to worry tons about ageing or such but now it is really starting to bother me. Not the number itself but the looks. I know looks aren't everything but ladies lets be honest we all want to be beautiful. We all want to feel good about ourselves and we want to know we look good when we go out and such. I just feel so blah and yuck all the time. My hair is breaking more and more and of course falls out and grows at random from the lovely thyroid issues, my skin is staring to show large pours which I have never had, and thanks to the nasty burn a few years ago it is starting to show some of the scaring especially when I tan and those areas don't sometimes. I just really want to feel good about me. I just wish all the good beauty treatments and such weren't soooo gosh darn expensive. Right now these things aren't a priority unfortunately. So if anyone knows any cheap or secret remedies besides a time machine let me know:)
Work is going well and all though I have been sick and extremely worn out it feels good to get out and work. It feels good to know that I am going to be able to help contribute to the bills and to make this body do some heavy work:) We are just trying to catch up but seems like we just keep falling behind. We will just keep working and doing the best we can to get some things caught up. I know our biggest trap is the house. It is just way to much for us. The payment is huge and as soon as the lease is up we will be finding something different. We had to pass up my insurance as we just couldn't afford to add another $250 bill a month and then it was a $2600 deductible. It made me very sad and frustrated but hopefully next year we can find a cheaper place and be able to add me on then. Thank you everyone for the prayers and the encouragement!!!

Mowing in the snow while sick!!

Well my new job is still going prity well. I like getting out and doing something, but one of my saving graces the last couple of years is being away from people and the public for the most part so as I haven't gotten sick constantly from colds, flu, etc. But first thing now bam I have a terrible cold:( I am taking lots of vitamins but being autoimmune really doesn't help much. So I am just trying to go to bed early, drink lots of water, and take my vitamins. Mowing in the snow today didn't help I am sure. Yes I said we were mowing in the snow. We are behind from the weather so we were mowing since it wasn't really accumulating yet. CRAZY!! wish I had my camera it was entertaining to see:) Hope everyone had a great Easter!!!

Happy Easter!!!

Hope everyone has a very happy and blessed Easter!!! I know we will be remembering what Jesus did for us that day!

The third dog wanted nothing to do with the ears:)

OHHHHHHHHH the pain!!!

Oh soooooooo much pain!!! I didn't even know most of those muscles existed. My new job is going well but after 7 hours of weedeating today and all brush type crap I am soooooooooo sore. I will love it once I get into some shape but till then it will be a lot of Ibprofen, hot baths and walking funny:) I am just so glad to be out doing something and making some money so we can start catching up on things and getting those that helped us paid back. That will make me feel soooooooooo much better. Also an awesome things is that I can ride the shuttle van to work everyday so I will only have to drive 2 miles to the park and ride so that will save a ton in diesel and wear and tear on the truck. It is so beautiful up there and the people are really nice so I think it is going to be a great season. Just got to make it through the first couple weeks:) Thank you everyone for the prayers that my body holds up those are still appreciated:) Well better go get in the hot bath and then get ready for bed!!!

I start the new job tomorrow:)

Well tomorrow will be my first day at the new job. I am very excited and nervous at the same time. It will be so nice to be out of the house, making money and hopefully getting into better shape. I am praying and would really appreciate prayers that my body will hold up to this. I know it is going to be hard for a while as I am soooooooooooo out of shape and I can deal with that I just don't want my body to pitch a big fit and land me in the hospital so we will see:) I just am excited to be out and about again. It will run now thru probably end of October so I can do it for 6 months:) We are going to be getting our insurance next month which is also very exciting. I have been doing a lot research and one of the first things I am going to address is the possibility of celiac disease. I have done a lot of research and it does coincide with auto immune problems like hashimotos disease. It also would explain why in 3 years I have not been able to get my thyroid levels to bounce if it is inhibiting proper absorption of my medication. So we will see. I was told not to try a gluten free diet to wait and do the testing or they may not get accurate test results. I would hate that to be the problem but really all I want is answers so I can start making my life better and not suffer all the time. I will post tomorrow on my first day at the new job:)

And the blows just keep coming!!

So I got some horrible news this am. My grandma, the woman that prity much raised me and came to my rescue whenever I needed it was diagnosed with breast cancer:( I am beyond sad and worried. They did catch it early thank gosh, so she will have surgery to remove it and then check the lymph nodes, radiation and then hopefully it will be gone. I know i am lucky to be 31 and still have my grandma in my life. I don't know what i would do without her. To be honest if it weren't for her and GOD I wouldn't be here today or be the person I am. She helped me through a very tough life and kept me from a lot more harm that could have come to me. That woman is amazing at how she looks at life with all the hurt her kids and grand kids have put her through. I know this will sound like a little kid but I will stomp my feet and say I am not ready to give up my grandma yet!!!! So please pray all will go well. Then another blow just a few minutes ago. One of my cousins also was diagnosed with breast cancer, hers more advanced so lots of prayers are going out all around. Really wanting to be back in Oregon and close to my friends and family:( So please again prayers are appreciated. Thank you everyone for your love and support.

In God's Time...Great reminder in hard times

(sorry you will probably have to go down to the music and press stop to hear video)

So it hasn't been easy lately, well last couple years really, it seems like we can't catch a break and keep getting farther behind. We try to concentrate on the good and be grateful for what we have but a lot of it could be snatched away in a second. It is so hard worrying constantly if we are going to make rent, be able to get food, and worrying about paying back those we need to and we can't even think of paying off debt yet. So to say the least the panic attacks have increased and the depression is in full swing. But we both just keep praying and putting our trust in GOD. This song came on the radio and it really made me think, the perfect song at the perfect time. I know things could be worse and there are people who do have it worse. I am trying to have a good attitude and I have never been one to be so down or have no hope but last year or so has been really hard, it has just been one thing after another. We think we are going to get going the right direction and then another thing happens. So we will just keep praying and trusting it is all in GOD's Time!!!!

I got the job!!!!!!!!!!!!:)

I am sooooooooooo excited I just got the call and I got the job at carbondale parks department. I will be one of 3 on the mow crew:) I am soooooooooooo very excited!!! I can't wait to get out of this house and feel good about something. I think it will also help with my weight endeavor. All day of running a weed eater should be a good workout. I am sure the first few weeks will be torture but I am excited about that:) I can't wait to just be outside and being active. I think it will make a big difference for me and help out finances for sure!!! It is only a seasonal job so that will work out good also to be able to go back home in the late fall or winter to visit. And by then we should hopefully have some bills under control and it won't be mandatory for me to work. Thank y'all for all the prayers, I am very grateful!!!!

Need suggestions for weight loss!!

Ok so I GOT TO GET THIS WEIGHT OFF!!!! I think a lot of my depression is coming from hating what I see in the mirror. I don't like being so over weight and out of shape. I have always been a goer and a doer and this is really limiting me. My body hates me and attacks me on a regular basis but I can't stand the way I look anymore and I don't feel healthy. I will admit that I am terrible at sticking with it. When I have someone else to do it with or if I am paying to use a gym I am able to push my way through and get results but I don' t have either option right now. I know everyone says put on your big girl panties and just do it! If it were that easy I would have already done it and not have this self hate going on. I admit I am weak. I just want to find something that works and I enjoy and do it. I would love to join our little gym down the road, but right now a big gym membership is probably not a way to help get us out of debt. So I am looking for suggestions. It will have to be stuff I can prity much do here at home and I don't have any equipment. I do have a Jillian Michael's 30 day shred so I will throw that in some. I was wanting some Pilate's and yoga maybe to mix in for strength, any recommendations? I just really want to get this weight off, I want to go into summer excited to wear shorts and tank tops:) So if anyone has any suggestions on things that have worked for them, I would REALLY REALLY appreciate it:) I wish I was rich enough to be sent off to fat camp:) I know it would change my life:) Well I will have to build a fat camp of my own I guess:)

Thanks for all the birthday wishes!!

I just realized I had meant to send a thank you out to everyone that commented to say happy birthday and I didn't:( BAD BLOGGER!! I just want to thank y'all, that was very sweet and made me feel loved. It wasn't all to exciting, but we did go out to dinner thanks to my grandparents sending me a birthday dinner check:) SO Sweet:) It was nice to eat a great meal in a neat little restaurant in the town next door. Now I hope my birthday wish comes true of a rockin year and things looking up this year:) Thanks again, and love y'all:)

Great weekend!!

So our weekend is actually Sunday and Monday around here. At least for now:) Sunday was great, we got to head over to Rifle and hang out with brown eyed cowgirl-"the bad Indian":)(I am sorry you had to be there but every time Eric thinks of her saying this he cracks up all over again:)) The weather was crazy to say the least!!! Extremely windy for a while with heavy snow and even threw in some thunder and lightening. Well you ad to many bodies and horses thrown into to small of an area because of bad weather and it is bound to be interesting. I even got to ride spooks around for a little while right after we got there to warm him up with moon. He is such a great horse, I just love him:) But it was awesome to get to spend time with BECG and to see her run. I wish my video hadn't come out so dark but here it is anyways. I have a feeling it is going to be a good season for them:) It really made me miss being a part of something though. I loved barrel racing but honestly I think it made me miss showing more. I still hope someday I can get back into showing:) I miss it sooooo very much:)

Then the rest of Sunday we had to go meet Eric's new part time employers. I know as if he doesn't work enough already but any money at this point is needed. SO he will just be doing some odd jobs for a lady that lives prity close. Her son that is here for spring break REALLY wanted Eric to try and fix his little Suzuki 50 four wheeler, so Eric brought it home and he did get it running;) Two overgrow adults riding it equalled lots of laughter and fun:)

Yesterday Eric had to work over there again so it was just a day of cleaning for me. Just a nice weekend to get out and enjoy some fun and laughter, I REALLY NEEDED IT:)

Just WAY TO FUNNY:) My husband bites it!!:)

My husband had to repair this little four wheeler for a boy that was REALLY wanting it fixed, but of course he had to test it out first. And how did I know he would crash it some how:) oh and I had to try it out to of course:) No crashes for me!!!

Lovin it when the sun comes out:)

and yes he has whip cream on his lips:)