2009 Year in Review

Wow today is the last day of 2009. To be honest I am torn to say if it was a great year or a not so great year. Really it was half and half. Some of my greatest joys happened and then some of the worst things ever did. I am just praying this year will be full of blessings and that the LORD would really show us where he wants us to go in this life:) Not to menchin I am really really hoping to get healthy this year. That would be a huge thing:) I wish my computer would let me upload new pictures but it won't:( I hope to get a new one this year!! Make my blogs more interesting:) Well here goes the review.

January 2009
Well by this time we were so far behind on bills and such from my surgery and the cancer treatment and such that we knew were going to end up loosing our house and to be honest our house was so old and brick we could afford to keep it above 50 and being sick and cold didn't work out so well so Eric found a job on a ranch in the sandhills of nebraska that included housing. We had to say goodbye to our few friends and it was going to be off we go!

February 2009-

The 1st we were there and Eric was starting work on the new ranch. He really had to throw himself in there as he had one week before he was put on night calving. 7 days a week from 5pm-8am was his watch. I had to go back and finish at the old house and this was the month that broke my heart into a million pieces:((Tears upon Tears) I had to give up my horse babies:( They were my babies and my world and I still am sooo torn up about it and honestly not sure if I will ever get over it. But it was best for them. I couldn't expect them to live in a blizzard region with no shelters.

My Baby girl shar and yes I know I am backwards:) My baby boy Chief!!

March 2009-

Well we were just busy with night calving and painting the house to stay awake:) I loved night calving. It is sooooo beautiful out under the stars and since we were so remote you could see so many more stars and shooting stars. It was just a great time to spend with my fiance(at the time:)) and getting to see all the babies born is awesome!!! But we did have 3 bad blizzards within 3 weekends toward end of the month and it was dangerous and work to say the least. White outs and burying the trucks up to the roof. But we didn't loose a single calf in all of those, we made sure we watched them and we got them into the barn as soon as they dropped. Also my birthday month but with calving no real celebration.

April 2009-

Got a call from my brother and his fiance wanting to buy me a ticket back to Oregon in exchange for watching my nephew for two weeks while my parents (who usually watch him) were on vacation. I was very excited as we weren't able to afford to go back and my best friend was due for her baby early may. So we made the flights for April 18-June 13. Long time to be away from Handsome but didn't want to miss my best friends baby being born:) So I spent the last half of the month baby sitting my 1 1/2 year old nephew. He is the cutest:) Great to spend time with him

Me and my nephew Tanner

May 2009-

This was a very awesome month as my best friend had her daughter Makayla May and I got to to be in the delivery room and see her born. Yes I got to help hold her legs and see that little beautiful girl come into this world. Amazing!!!!! So glad I didn't have to miss that. It was a busy month with 3 more babies being born in the family and then memorial day we went to the beach for the weekend and rented a house. It was awesome and I realized how much I miss the beach. But by this time I was beyond missing my handsome.

The beach house we rented with a lot of us

June 2009-

More baby showers for the fall babies to be born, everyone was busy this year:) Lots of babies. Then the 13th it was back to the ranch, which I was sooooooooooooo ready for:)

July 2009-

Our first and only visitors. my grandparents came to visit over fourth of July:) It was a great time and they loved the ranch. It was just great to have visitors. By this time we are busy still tyring to get all the wedding plans in order. For we had already given up the idea of our dream wedding and knew it would just have to be the two of us.

August 2009-

The wedding is next month and we are busy busy trying to find me a dress and do everything and afford everything. But we managed to get to church more and made some great friends there. We went to camp outs and lots of fun church events. Rodeos. etc. Just a fun summer month:)

September 2009-

I blogged all about our wedding struggles(http://acountrycowgirl.blogspot.com/) but to say the least it was a struggle, but it started coming together with a lot of help from other people we didn't expect. On sept 26th after 3 years we finally said I do and it was the best day ever and in the most beautiful place. we were just so excited to be married. Then we left on our honeymoon for Mt Rushmore and surrounding areas as we didn't have much money. It was so awesome there and we really enjoyed all the neat things to see and do.

October 2009-

Now we are just trying to figure out what we should do. We are getting no where paying off our debt and I still need to do more doctor appointments and they want me to do more tests, but we can't afford it. We start looking around for another alternative. Something closer to a little bigger city so that hopefully I can find a job to. Oh and of course Halloween my favorite holiday:) Costume parties:)

Gotta love the costumes:)

November 2009-

We actually found a place about 4 hours away in south Dakota and went for an interview. The place was beautiful and such but we weren't sure if we should make the move. They still had a lot of interviews when we had left so it wasn't till two weeks later that we got the call and they really wanted handsome since he had so many mechanical abilities, so we decided we would go. It was sad to say good bye to all our sandhill friends and church but we started packing and saying good byes

December 2009-

December 1st another doctor appointment on our way out of town with our last moving load. Some more not sooo good news and more test I need we can't afford. But we got to the new ranch and are settling in well as you can read from the previous post. Christmas was a blizzard and kind of lonesome but at least we got to spend this Christmas as husband and wife:) Still looking for work though. Oh and we added another family member:) A little orange kitten named Tonka. He keeps us busy and full of laughs.

Kohanna and Bear enjoying the snow. Reks is inside keeping warm:)

I know I know this was a long post and believe me I left a lot out. But it is just good to go back and look later to see where you have been:) I am excited and nervous to see what 2010 brings. I pray it brings us out of debt and me into good health:) I would really like to take a honeymoon to:) Just never know. May every ones New Year be extremely blessed. Look forward to see what it brings for everyone!

Settling in....

So we have been here almost a month now. Still got boxes that need unpacked and things that need organized, but we are settling in prity well. This was a big move for us as we were not a 100% sure it was the move we should have made. We loved the ranch we were on in the nebraska sandhills but there was no work out there for me and I was not able to help on the ranch there except during night calving. But we see now that this was a great move. The ranch is amazingly beautifull and we are close to a lot of neat things like rushmore, badlands, etc. The ranch manager is an awesome guy to work with and Handsome just loves it. I love it to cause I get to go out and help and work around the ranch like I have always done before. I have never been one to sit in the house and just watch so that was hard at the last ranch and also the no horses thing at the last ranch, that was killing me. Here we will use them for work. For right now we will use the owners horses, he is on the east coast and only comes out a few times a year so it works out for now:)
I am still looking for work and that part is frustrating and I really even hate the thought of working in town, it is all I can do to enjoy going to town for groceries with all the traffic and rude stupid people:) But I do enjoy it every once in a while but not everyday. But hey a job is what is needed so I am going to suck it up and work my tail off!!
The dogs and cats are settling in great, but our golden really wants to run and romp with the deer, but we are only about 1/2 mile off the hwy here at the house so I don't let him go very far. But they love the land and having the river right here!
I am most excited for when summer comes to go and do all the neat things that happen around here then, like going to the dinner shows, sturgis and all that. Gotta see everything once:) I hope that we will get some visitors to come see us but I am not holding my breath as my family and friends don't travel very far very often and if they do they want to do something more exotic than south dakota:)
Just excited to see what this year brings and to see if this is where we will stay!!! That is the biggest mystery. We both love wyoming and montana a lot though. My favorite place and if money was no object would be jackson hole wyoming. I lived on a ranch there for a summer right in front of the tetons and it was a place that keeps calling me back!!

Do you ever think you can do so much more....

I have been struggling with this for years and it just keeps getting more intense. I want to do more in this world. I want to do more for the LORD in this world!!! I want to leave this world knowing I lead others to the way, the truth and the life. I have had a huge dream my entire life of owning a ranch and rescuing animals and using them to help people and children. They have so much they can teach us and so much love to give. I really want to specialize in horses but know that cats and dogs and such would have some places to:) I even in 2006 visited crystal peaks youth ranch in sisters Oregon and did a informational clinic on starting my own ranch. It was the most amazing experience and it just really filled me more with this want and need to do this. If you don't know about crystal peaks you need to check out their website and read Kim's books, they are amazing!!!! http://www.crystalpeaksyouthranch.org/default.aspx

I just hate that the only thing that keeps me from doing this is money. I don't have the money to start something like this. I know that it can be done but I just don't know how to go about doing it. There are other things that stop me to and I know things that I will need to deal with. But I just really need to pray on it and trust GOD has my life all worked out:)

Another thing that stops me is guilt:( 10 months ago I gave my two horses(my babies) to a youth rescue ranch. It broke my heart into a million pieces and even now as I write this I cry. But with all the bills and medical bills from the surgery and cancer we were falling to far behind and were going to loose our house so we found a job with housing on a ranch 4 1/2 hours away. I thought it would get better but it didn't it got worse, we got to the ranch and the owner hated horses and wanted me to keep them in a 400 acre pasture 2 miles from the house with no shelter. I was very unhappy about this and with my one being 23 I knew it would not be fair to her and that the winter would be way to hard. We didn't have anywhere else to go and I knew it was the decision I would have to make:( MY HEART IS BREAKING ALL OVER AGAIN WRITTING THIS:( But I got a gift from God of a christian youth ranch that could take them. I drove them the 8 hours to the place. It was a beautiful place and I knew it was going to be a great home and they would be able to take great care of them, but when I went to leave they were whinnying and trying to follow me, it broke my heart into a million pieces and believe me I asked GOD why?? I still trust someday I will see the why? I would have gone without food and medicine for them to have all their needs met and believe me I did at times. But now I find it hard to want to do it all again. And then to want to rescue others and help them when I couldn't even my own:( I definitely won't make that commitment again till I know that I can and keep it!!!!
So as you can see I am torn.....SO TORN!!!!! I will just keep praying and see where GOD leads me. Maybe he has totally different plans for me! I just trust he knows best!!!!

Excited about this whole blogging thing

I am just really excited about this whole blogging thing. I think it will be a great way to just share my life and to meet new people:) I looked around yesterday and found quite a few other ranch wives that are blogging. It is fun to read and see what they have in common and to see there blessings and struggles. Makes me feel not so alone:) It will just be fun to share and get to know others also.

A Cowboys Christmas Prayer!!

A Cowboy's Christmas Prayer

I ain't much good at prayin',
and You may not know me, Lord—
For I ain't much seen in churches,
where they preach Thy Holy Word.
But you may have observed me
out here on the lonely plains,
A-lookin' after cattle,
feelin' thankful when it rains.

Admirin' Thy great handiwork.
the miracle of the grass,
Aware of Thy kind Spirit,
in the way it comes to pass
That hired men on horseback
and the livestock that we tend
Can look up at the stars at night,
and know we've got a Friend.

So here's ol' Christmas comin' on,
remindin' us again
Of Him whose coming brought good will
into the hearts of men.
A cowboy ain't a preacher, Lord,
but if You'll hear my prayer,
I'll ask as good as we have got
for all men everywhere.

Don't let no hearts be bitter, Lord.
Don't let no child be cold.
Make easy the beds for them that's sick
and them that's weak and old.
Let kindness bless the trail we ride,
no matter what we're after,
And sorter keep us on Your side,
in tears as well as laughter.

I've seen ol' cows a-starvin'—
and it ain't no happy sight;
Please don't leave no one hungry, Lord,
on Thy Good Christmas Night—
No man, no child, no woman,
and no critter on four feet
I'll do my doggone best
to help you find 'em chuck to eat.

I'm just a sinful cowpoke, Lord—
ain't got no business prayin'
But still I hope you'll ketch a word
or two, of what I'm sayin':
We speak of Merry Christmas, Lord—
I reckon You'll agree—

There ain't no Merry Christmas
for nobody that ain't free!
So one thing more I ask You,
Lord: just help us what You can
To save some seeds of freedom
for the future Sons of Man!

© S. Omar Barker,

Time for the new year to begin and time for some changes

I can't believe that in like 4 days it will be 2010. A whole decade gone already and it seems like it just started a few months ago. I look at it and realize that this year I will turn 30. A whole part of my life is over. I am not saying that life is over, but that part is. It is sad but exciting to. I am nervous and excited to see what God will do in our lives now.
There are so many things that I want to do or change this year. The biggest thing for us is we want to get out of debt and start to have so savings and emergency funds( oh do I love Dave Ramsey) we want to not have to worry every minute how things will be covered and if we need something we can get it. To not be a slave to debt and money. So we have our work cut out for us there:) First off that means finding me a job, and that has proven especially with the economy to be harder than you would think. Secondly no spending till the debts are paid. Seems simple:) ha! ha!

I also want to feel better this year. Most of the reason for the debt and frustration in our life is me feeling crappy everyday. With no insurance, cancer, thyroid problems and such it is a very bleak looking problem. But we have turned it all over to the LORD and trust he will help us out with it all. but I would love to wake up even if for one day without feeling nauseous, sick, dizzy, and pain. I would love to be able to go out and play and work without worrying about my heart messing up or getting sick. Just to be able to enjoy the time with my husband and pets without wondering if I am going to wake up the next morning to be there with them. I am not scared of dieing as I know that I am going to an amazing place but I would be sad not to grow old with my husband. I enjoy the life the LORD has given me down here and would love to have many years to serve him here.
My other biggest thing is to loose weight. I know every woman says that but for me it is a huge deal and it has really really been bothering me. I have gained 70lbs since being ill. That is a huge difference. 10 sizes. It makes me feel terrible and I hate even looking at myself in the mirror or going out in public. It is sad that I look at my wedding pictures and I can't get past the fact of how terribly obese I am!!!!:( But with my heart hurting(literally) so much and the dizziness and such, every time I try and work out I throw up or feel like I am having a heart attack. And even if I push my way through it I can't drop any weight even with a good diet. It is SSSSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOO frustrating!!!

I just want to start living a more productive healthy lifestyle:) To enjoy life and get out and experience more of it again. I have always been a go getter and an adventurer and the cancer has taken that from me and I will take it back!!!!!!

So christmas has come and gone....

Well Christmas came and went and so fast again. We had a blizzard come through and basically shut everything down from wednesday-Sunday. We got a lot of snow and the winds were horrible at 50+mph. But it was beautiful. We got all the cows fed and ranch chores done in the am and then spent the afternoons inside staying warm. The power went out the 23rd and didn't come on till evening of 24th so it was a little chilly and all our pipes froze so no water for a while:) But we just lit candles and lanterns and played card games together as husband and wife:)
This time of the year is a lonely and sad time for me. All my friends and family are 1200 miles away. I am use to busy holidays full of laughter and fun. Now it is just the two of us. and don't get me wrong I am sooooo happy and blessed to be spending the holidays with my most wonderful husband ever but I do miss my friends and family. It is just so hard to be away.
We decided this year though that whenever we were bummed or frustrated by stuff that we would just say a prayer and thank the LORD for the blessing we do have in our life and I will tell you it made a huge difference in me:)
It was just so awesome to finally be husband and wife for Christmas:) Our first Christmas as a married couple. With the blizzard we couldn't go anywhere so I made us a big turkey dinner with the trimmings and then we watched Rudolph and such. It was a great Christmas to just love, hug and enjoy each other:)
I am sad Christmas is over but I want to be better about being prepared for it next year. Next year I want to do more memorable things like go to a u-cut to get our tree, make ornaments, maybe go back to Oregon for the holidays, or maybe have some visitors here for the holidays. I want to start creating traditions and sticking to them:)
Well now it is on to new years:)........

Decided to start blogging

I have decided to start blogging:) I don't really have anyone other than my husband to talk to and so I thought this would be a good way to just talk about things:) I can share my joys and my sadness, my success and failure, my dreams and fears. It is just a great way to get things out that I feel are all bottled up inside:)

Christmas is almost here

I can't believe Christmas in 3 days. It always comes and goes so fast. This is our first married Christmas:) It has been a rough time for us though. We just don't seem to be getting anywhere in life. We are as broke as broke can be and with me feeling like crap everyday it makes it so hard to be cheery and that is what I want to be. I am so blessed to be married to my handsome and I am glad we will get to spend the holiday together as husband and wife. It is sad how many people can't wait for it to be over and can't get in the spirit. People just forget what it is really all about!!! Lord help remind us all:)
We did get a tree up and I did decorate as best as I can but we will not have any presents under our tree and we won't have anyone to spend the day with:( I know presents don't matter in the end but it is nice to give the ones you love a gift and my husband has been soooooo broken hearted that he can't even afford me a gift. That breaks my heart! He feels like a failure and that makes me sad.
I am still looking for work up here but it is hard to find anything that will pay for the drive to town from out here. And with my health no doing so great it makes it hard to be able to do a whole lot. SOOOOO Very frustrating. We just look around and wonder will we ever get out of debt and be able to afford the things we need!!!!
Sorry I am just really frustrated right now and need to talk and I don't have anyone to talk to so I am just going to write!! I don't need to be rich but when we need something it would be nice to be able to go and get it!! Like clothes, I have only one pair of pants that fit and most of my clothes are rags. It is hard to feel good about yourself as a woman when you look like the bag lady! We only have 1 chair in our living room and that is it, so one of us always has to lay on the floor. I know it will just help me to appreciate the things I have more and I know I shouldn't be complaining cause there are others out there who have it way worse, but it is just sad and frustrating to me.
My health just keeps getting worse and we can't afford the doctors. The doctor a couple weeks ago wants me to have an upper and lower scope as my stomach and such is giving me a lot of trouble. And my thyroid levels just won't level where they are suppose to so that is a constant battle. I have chest pains quite regularly and I get dizzy and have to sit down before I black out. SO as you can see a lot of frustration and being scared that maybe I won't wake up one of these days. Yes it gets so bad sometimes i am not sure if I am going to have a heart attack or something.
Enough of the venting. I am just blessed to have such an awesome husband and a LORD that loves me. I want to remember this Christmas is really about the LORD and not me and what I don't get. I just pray he will help to show us this coming year how to start doing better and not being saves to debt and such. We want to be debt free and be able to help those less fortunate when it is needed. I pray that everyone will have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS AND BLESSED NEW YEAR!!!!!