Our 1st Anniversary is almost here

I can't believe it is almost here! Our 1st anniversary is Sunday. I can't believe we are finally here. After everything we went through to have our wedding it is a miracle. We are just blessed that the LORD knew what was better for us than everyone else:) My life was truly changed and blessed when Eric came into my life. He is my knight in leather armor:)



I can't even begin to tell you how much I love this man. He is sweet, loving, hardworking, funny, and soooo understanding. He has had to deal with my family, his family, many many hospital trips and bills, and he has done it without being angry or upset with me. He has never made me feel bad or guilty. That may seem like that is the way it should be and yes it is but believe me it isn't always that way and in my life everyone before has always done that to me. I am the luckiest girl in the world to be married to such a man:) Not to menchin I think he is prity darn cute:)

I think we are going to head over to devils tower for a night and ride horses and such, then over to Custer state park SD to watch the buffalo round up. I know it will be a special time, just because we will be together and that is something to cherish:) OHHHHHHH and Eric took my wedding ring into get it sized so I will FINALLY get to wear it:) I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited can't you tell:)

Love having visitors:)

I just love the ranch life!!! I love even more sharing that ranch life with others. This past week we were so blessed to have some of my distant family visit. They loved seeing all the things we do on the ranch. We went out to check cows am & pm. They got to see how we weigh and ship out. But of course we had to ad some fun in there with trips to deadwood and Rushmore and such also. It was a blast!!!

I love seeing the awe in people faces when they see the ranch. When people come from big cities this much land seams endless to them:) We are blessed to live this life and so blessed to be able to work and play together:) Here are a few pictures of our fun:)

John and Kathy on our ranch

They loved their personal ranch vehicle:)

us gambling in deadwood-me the big spender of $4 but won $10

All of us at Mt. Rushmore

Where were you when the world stopped turning.....

I can't believe it has been 9 years since the attacks on 9-11. Where were you when it happened?

I was working at wild bunch ranch outside of driggs idaho, bordering the Teton mountains. Amazing views and an amazing job. I was working with wild animals that were raised for movies, picture, commercials, etc. I was out feeding and realized it was really quite for the morning as hot air balloons had been going over every morning for the last week and the airport didn't have any planes leaving it. Never really thought of why till the boss came out and told us of what was going on. Since we were living in the tipi at that time we of course didn't have power so we went into the boss house to watch some of the news. Just crazy!!!

so where were you???

Do you ever wonder if you matter.......

I have always struggled with this. My whole life I have always felt like I haven't mattered to anyone. I know I matter to my husband but I really have a hard time not mattering to others. I know that I should let that get me down or let that make me feel sad or insecure but to be honest it does. IT REALLY DOES!!! I just feel like if I was gone it wouldn't matter and that really hurts me!!! I know this is a downer subject but how else do we get to know ourselves and how to we get past things if we can't be honest about things!

I just look back through my life and I haven't really mattered to many people. Even my own parents. I was never a priority and if I was they made feel like crap for being a priority. Even "friends" I would try and be loyal do everything I could for them and they would betray me or drop out of my life when something better came a long. I am lucky to have my husband and my best friend Candi. Candi has never turned her back on me or made me feel bad for choices ever. She has loved me and been there no matter what. I am soooooooo very very blessed to have her but it is so hard to be so far from her. I feel so blessed to have her. But it is still hard when I look back and see how much of my heart I have given to others and they have just thrown it out when they didn't like something I did or when they found something more exciting in life to do. I look back and it was like I didn't even exist in their lives and that I didn't even matter:( I can't tell you how much that hurts!!!

I see people and friends who are surrounded by friends and family that love and adore them. Who get excited about them and the things they are doing in life. They celebrate exciting things with them with love, parties and such and they grieve with them when things are tough. They always have someone to turn to in times of need. I guess I feel jipped that Eric and I don't have that:( Really it probably is a blessing in disguise as it really has taught me to lean on GOD but it is sad also. I am not saying that everyone should agree with my decisions or that I am against their advice or anything because I need it and I respect it but I just wish they could love me and still tell you I told you so!

I just find myself not so excited about life:( I have never been like that and it makes me even sadder to feel like that. I just wish I had that "family" that would be excited with me and that would want to celebrate and grieve with me when I need it. TO BELONG!!!! I can't believe I am actually writing this but I can't seem to figure out how to keep from feeling like this but maybe acknowledging the feelings will help to break through them!!!