I can't believe I am 30!!!!

Wow today I turned 30!!! I can't believe I am 30 already! Life goes way to fast. Funny how we can't wait to grow up but then we realize we should have just enjoyed being a kid:) Some people get so upset at turning 30, but me age is just a number for the most part and I can't wait to see what this next part of my life brings:) I hope it brings many adventures and good times:)

I know I haven't been around much lately and for that I am sorry!! It has been crazy with trying to unpack and then I am in charge of calving so that keeps me busy, but on top of that my body is attacking me for the lack of sleep and pushing myself so hard. It has not been very fun lately with being exhausted, shakey, nautious, etc. So lots of prayers and telling myself to just get over it:) But we are loving the new place and enjoy the job so that is great.

I will try and get pics and post them asap, but still trying to get the house unpacked so I can get pics of the inside. My grandmother is coming to visit the first week of may so I have lots to do and that will help me get things ready for pictures:)

I hope all is well with everyone. I love keeping up with your lives and I am sure the nice weather will bring lots of great stories for all of us:)

So when are y'all havin kids.......

Ok so I know I promised pics of new place, but me and my computer are having a disagreement on whether I should be allowed to!!!!

So that seems to be the question everyone asks these days.... First question...Do you have any kids? Second....When are you going to have kids? Well here is my immediate answer I want to say NEVER!!! But let me explain. Honestly this is a huge battle in my life and for many reasons. I grew up in a very alcholic home with lots and lots of problems and there was abuse. I didn't have the support or love I needed and to be honest my life was hell, especially the teen years!

I go back and forth with the idea of having kids. I never wanted to have kids with my ex husband and am so glad we didn't but now I have Eric and he is soooooo great and he loves kids soooooo much. He would be a great dad. I know he would love to have some but he says now he doesn't cause he knows I don't want to. But really it isn't necessarily I don't want to it is being scared. I am scared of so many things:

* scared of not being a good parent
*scared of not being able to afford to give them a good life
*scared of the fights it would cause with my family as I would not let them babysit and such due to the alcholism and smoking around the children
*scared of doing it alone, as we don't have any friends or family close to us
*scared medically that I can't do it or that something bad could go wrong with all my medical problems
*scared it would be irresponsible for me to get pregnant when we don't have insurance and such(yet I don't feel like that about others in the same situation)
*but scared I will miss out on one of God's greatest blessings
*scared Eric will end up resenting me if we don't have kids(even tho he says he won't:)
* Just scared, scared, scared!!!!!

So I guess y'all are getting to know me a little better now:) I have always said if GOD wants it to happen it will, but I think that I could be stopping him by my choice and actions also. Kids are just such a huge commitment and it isn't just your life you are messing with anymore, it is theirs to. I guess I wouldn't worry about it so much but it isn't like I am early twenties with years to wait, I will turn 30 this year. I am not saying 30 is old, but I don't want to be 80 going to my kids graduation:) I want to be around for a long time in their lives if I choose to have them:)

I'm back online:)

I got my internet today:) Yeah!!! I can't wait to get pictures of our new place up today. I will have to catch up on everyones blogs. I will be updating soon:)

I will miss you all my friends!!

Sorry for the lack of posts and even more sorry for lack of interesting posts:) We have been crazy busy getting things packed to move. We did get our first load to the new place last Sunday and we will leave with our last load tomorrow afternoon sometime:) But that means I won't have Internet for a little while, we will have to call and have it set up sometime as soon as we can. It will be satellite Internet like we had before so I hope it don't take long to get them out there. I will miss all my blogger friends and keeping up on their blogs:( But I hope everyone is blessed while I am away and can't wait to read and catch up on your lives!!!

Should be packing and not blogging:)

So it is extremely crazy at the moment with packing to move and then the other 200 head of heifers due date was monday so we are running back and forth between cows and boxes:) We will be moving probably the 15th as the other ranch owner called last night and wants to go buy a bunch of new heifers for eric to calv out:) But we are both excited about this opportunity and so looking forward to having such a nice big house and something that I will want to cook in again. This house is sooo small and so many things wrong with it that it has made it hard to want to do anything with it! But I will say I have just thanked the LORD everyday for a roof over my head and keeping me warm cause yes I hate it but I am lucky to even have it.
Sorry not much to blog about at the moment and really my rear should be in gear packing instead of blogging:) I will try and get pictures of the new place when we take our first load so I can share a little.

I turn 30 in 30 days!!

Wow I can't believe I will be 30 in 30 days. Some people think it is the end of the world or hate getting older but I think age is just a number really, but I do think each part of your life brings different opportunities and chances to grow. I am not sure what I will do for my birthday yet, but I would like to do something to remember:) If anyone has any ideas or suggestions please let me know:)