This sickness:(

So I have slacked and missed a lot on the blog post challenge in may:(  This sickness is still here.  I finally went to ER and they think it is a virus in stomach and intestines   They put me on pain pills and anti nausea pills.  They help a little.  I am leaving for hunting on Wednesday so I am hoping and praying that I feel a million times better by then.  I am just going to do the challenge thru June on the days that I have missed.  It is a fun way to share things.  Hope everyone is well while I am away.  Look forward to bringing you stories and pictures:)  And hopefully a bear rug;)

The flu:( But 10 things I love

I have had the flu the last 3 days and have been miserable:(  I have fallen behind on my may blog challenge but I will try and get caught up soon.  I also realized I will be out of town with no service for 7 days.  I am going Bear hunting next week so I will not be getting to post then so I may just go into June with the days I have missed in may:)  Here is yesterdays topic I missed.

10 things I love:-No particular order
1.GOD will be first and foremost of course.  Without him we all have nothing.

2. All the time I get to spend with my husband.  I not only love my husband but I truly like him to.  I love our time together.  We have so much fun in all that we do.

3. I love anything I get to do with horses.  I love riding, grooming, and even cleaning stalls.  There is just something about a horse that makes my heart smile.

4. I love camping and vacationing:)  This is truly one of my favorite things ever.  I wish I could make a living doing this:)  I just enjoy being away and experiencing so many different exciting things.

5. I love to spend time with great friends and family.  To laugh and just enjoy time together with no worries, sadness  or gossip.

6. I love my pets(kids) soooooooooooo much.  They make me laugh, cry, yell:)  they make my life complete.  They are just a bonus in this life for sure:)

7. Crafting- I love to do all kinds of crafts.  I just love to make things and give them away as gifts.  I love to have home made things around my home.

8. Campfires- There is just something soothing and reminiscence of sitting around a campfire.  There is such a peace and happiness in it.

9. The Beach-There is just something about the beach.  The sound of the waves hitting the shore.  The way the sun sinks into this vast beautiful mirror like water in the evening.  IT is a place of peace, reflection and joy to me.

10. The mountains- I love the smells, the creatures, the sounds.  I love how close to GOD I feel here. I love how at those moments I get to be there I feel at home, I feel free, I feel like life isn't so crazy and out of control.  I love to see GOD's work in all the plant life, the animals and me:)

Something I miss.........

Todays blog challenge-Day 12, Sunday: What do you miss? (a person, a thing, a place, a time of your life...)

  

I thought a lot about this one.  There is so many things and people that I could write about.  I could write about the people I miss that have passed on, I could write about all the people that have drifted away, I could write about the relationships that weren't what they seemed.  I could write about the days of less responsibility and more freedom, I could write about the days of better health.  In life I think we could think about a lot of people and things we miss.

  To be honest I think what I miss the most is some of the person I use to be.  I know the big changes started in my first marriage when I started loosing myself to a person that only cared about himself and what he wanted.  To someone that pushed, prodded and talked until I felt like nothing.  Then came getting the Tularemia that took all my physical strength.  When that was over and I started to get a little better it hit me hard not only was all my physical strength gone but so was my emotional strength.  I had fought for my life and I had found out really fast who really cared and who my real friends were and sadly that number was not very big.  It was then that I realize it changed me.  It put a sadness and hurt into me that I have not been able to shake.  I find myself frustrated with people and wanting to pull away.  I find myself just wanting to pull back and be alone.  It wasn't like that was the first or last time people had disappointed me but it was like the straw that broke the camels back I guess.  On top of that losing my physical strength really hurt.  I had always been strong and tough and could get through anything and always tried to see the positive side of everything.  I miss that!!!!!!!!!!!!! I miss that strong woman that didn't take crap from anyone, who knew who she was, who was hardworking and healthy.  I have found out quickly through the past few years of cancer, and torn bicep tendons with complications that I am not as strong as I thought and that I don't like the person I have become.  I don't like the frustration, the sadness  the disappointment and definitely being scared.  I hate being scared and I am scared.  I miss being optimistic  bubbly, etc.  

  Life has knocked me down one to many times and I am trying my hardest to get back up and not let it take me down.  I miss that girl that was sooooooooooooooooooooo tough!!!!!!

one piece of advice I can offer

So Day 7 is to offer one piece of advice.  I think the best piece of advice I can offer is not to Judge so quickly.  It is really easy to pass a judgement so quickly and I too am guilty of this.  But it is one of the biggest things I am trying to work on now.  It is so easy to look at someone and to judge them not only by their looks and actions but by how we think they should live their life.  I know that I could live my life differently and better I am sure but I also have things that have happened to me that have broken parts of me that make that difficult and at this time impossible in ways.  We don't know everyones story and just because we can do something doesn't mean everyone can.  It is sad but in this world there are A LOT of broken people who have been wounded severely by people and it makes life even harder for them.  I would love to be stronger, smarter, thinner  prettier, etc but that doesn't mean it is possible at this moment for me and maybe never.  Some of the wounds that we have inflicted upon us can damage us and also remember we have the ability to inflict those wounds on others.  Lets try not to.  Lets try and truly understand a person before we just right them off or pass a judgement.  

  Now I am not saying that gives everyone a free pass to be irresponsible, lazy, rude, mean, dangerous, etc.  There is wrong and right and there is people with just plain bad intentions.  It is just finding that line.  Thinking on it before we pass a judgement or right someone off.

  Also use your own judgement.  Find out for yourself and not just let others make those decisions for you.

Things I am most afraid of.....

Day 7 post.  Now this one made me really think.  I wouldn't say I am afraid of everything but I am afraid of a lot still.  I think everyone is afraid of the basics like loosing the ones they love, failing, loosing a job, etc.
I would say those are things I to am afraid of.  But here are a few other things.....

*letting my husband down- not being the wife he deserves or needs
*my pets getting sick or loosing them
*letting others down- not being a good friend or family member
*Making mistakes financially
*My arms not healing better

A big one for me is that I won't be able to get my weight and health under control.  I am afraid that I won't be able to get my thyroid better and my weight under control.  I am extremely frustrated and unhappy with being so overweight.  I feel horrible physically, mentally and emotionally.  I am tired of being embarrassed to be out in public, to not be able to fit into clothes, to not have any energy to do the basics, to just plain feel bad.  The thyroid messes up so much physically and in life.  I just want to have the energy back to be able to exercise and participate in life.  I want to have that fun outgoing me back.  I want to look in the mirror and like what I see and right now that just isn't it. I want to be the best me I can be and I am FAR from that now.  I want to be healthier and happier to enjoy this one life we all have.

Day 6- what do you do?

I am suppose to answer this with something other than a career.  Well right now honestly I am not sure how to answer this question.  Honestly I really don't do anything right now.  After my arm injuries in July 2011 I haven't really done anything but go to doctors, doctors, and more doctors.  I have always been a goer and a doer and this has really  put a halt to mostly everything.  It is amazing how quickly things can change when parts of your body don't work properly and especially two major parts like your arms.  To live with chronic pain is crippling.  This affects every single part of my life and it has been hard so I guess the only thing that I come up with that I do right now is I try to fight it. I try to fight the way it makes me feel, I try to fight it being a permanent impairment, I fight.  I don't want to just sit around and do nothing.  I don't want this to win.  I want to enjoy life the best I can.  I want to be the best wife I can, I want to contribute in my life and my relationships and I won't let the pain and impairments win.  So for now that is what I do.

Day 5- A truly great blogger friend

Today we are suppose to tell about a blogger friend that inspires us, interests us or is just plain great and I will say that Sarah is all of that and more.  Her name is Sarah and her blog is between the fence posts at http://sarahsthoughtsandpictures.blogspot.com/2013/03/getting-to-know-redbud-farm.html.
   You really do need to read all about her and her adventures on the road truck driving and then at home with all her critters:)  She is an amazing photographer and writer and shares such great things.  I always love to read what she has to share and seeing the pictures she has written:)
   I have had the pleasure of meeting sarah and her husband malcolm in person for a few minutes once when they were unloading near us in colorado, gosh it has been way to long since I have gotten to see her:(  We do keep in touch on facebook though and I just think she is truly an amazing person.
   You will love the stories of her travels, her new farm and of course of the girls ( her chinese cresteds:)) They all have so much personality to share.
    So go and check out her blog and I know you will fall in love with her stories and pictures and you will truly be blessed to get to know a very sweet person.
 

Things that make me uncomfortable- May challenge day 3

Oh this list could be long.  Hey thats it maybe just a list:)

*being overweight

*shopping- I know most woman love it but being overweight really makes it uncomfortable for me.  I won't even go into most stores because I know things won't fit and I always feel like people will look at me and think is she kidding nothing will fit.

*going into a new place where I don't know anyone

*going into a place that I feel like I am not dressed properly

*going to something or somewhere that I don't know what to expect

*asking people for help

*confrontation of course-most of us are that way

*accepting help-always makes me feel bad and then worried it will be used against me later

*strangers being to close to me-those people in the grocery store especially that stand an inch from you in line

I know I am uncomfortable a lot!!!  

Blog everyday in may challenge

I found this challenge on a fellow blogger calamity lace's page.  She got it from a fellow blogger.  I love how so many people can be connected from so many different places and backgrounds )  I will put a button to the original blog so that anyone else can participate and read about others:)  I am starting a little late so I will have to go back and do the first couple days at some point.  Hope everyone enjoys this:)

Day 1, Wednesday: The story of your life in 250 words or less (or one paragraph... no one will be counting your words... probably)
Day 2, Thursday: Educate us on something you know alot about or are good at. Take any approach you'd like (serious and educational or funny and sarcastic)
Day 3, Friday: Things that make you uncomfortable
Day 4, Saturday: Favorite quote (from a person, from a book, etc) and why you love it
Day 5, Sunday: Publicly profess your love and devotion for one of your blogger friends. What makes them great? Why do you love them? If you don't have blogger friends, talk about a real-life friend or even a family member
Day 6, Monday: If you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question, 'what do you do'?
Day 7, Tuesday: The thing(s) you're most afraid of
Day 8, Wednesday: A piece of advice you have for others. Anything at all.
Day 9, Thursday: A moment in your day (this can be just a photo or both a photo and words)
Day 10, Friday: Most embarrassing moment (s). Spill. 
Day 11, Saturday: Sell yourself in 10 words or less
Day 12, Sunday: What do you miss? (a person, a thing, a place, a time of your life...)
Day 13, Monday: Issue a public apology. This can be as funny or as serious or as creative as you want it to be.
Day 14, Tuesday: Ten things that make you really happy
Day 15, Wednesday: A Day in the life (include photos from throughout your typical day - this could be "a photo an hour" if you'd like)
Day 16, Thursday: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it
Day 17, Friday: A favorite photo of yourself and why
Day 18, Saturday: Tell a story from your childhood. Dig deep and try to be descriptive about what you remember and how you felt.
Day 19, Sunday: Five of your favorite blogs and what you love about them
Day 20, Monday: Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now.
Day 21, Tuesday: A list of links to your favorite posts in your archives
Day 22, Wednesday: Rant about something. Get up on your soapbox and tell us how you really feel. (a pet peeve, a current event, a controversial topic, something your husband or roommate or neighbor or boss does that really ticks you off)
Day 23, Thursday: Things you've learned that school won't teach you
Day 24, Friday: Your top 3 worst traits
Day 25, Saturday: Something someone told you about yourself that you'll never forget (good or bad)
Day 26, Sunday: Something you read online. Leave a link and discuss, if you'd like.
Day 27, Monday: A letter to your readers
Day 28, Tuesday: Only pictures
Day 29, Wednesday: Five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories. Use Grooveshark or YouTube to include them in the post
Day 30, Thursday: React to this term: Letting Go
Day 31, Friday: A vivid memory