Christmas is almost here

I can't believe Christmas in 3 days. It always comes and goes so fast. This is our first married Christmas:) It has been a rough time for us though. We just don't seem to be getting anywhere in life. We are as broke as broke can be and with me feeling like crap everyday it makes it so hard to be cheery and that is what I want to be. I am so blessed to be married to my handsome and I am glad we will get to spend the holiday together as husband and wife. It is sad how many people can't wait for it to be over and can't get in the spirit. People just forget what it is really all about!!! Lord help remind us all:)
We did get a tree up and I did decorate as best as I can but we will not have any presents under our tree and we won't have anyone to spend the day with:( I know presents don't matter in the end but it is nice to give the ones you love a gift and my husband has been soooooo broken hearted that he can't even afford me a gift. That breaks my heart! He feels like a failure and that makes me sad.
I am still looking for work up here but it is hard to find anything that will pay for the drive to town from out here. And with my health no doing so great it makes it hard to be able to do a whole lot. SOOOOO Very frustrating. We just look around and wonder will we ever get out of debt and be able to afford the things we need!!!!
Sorry I am just really frustrated right now and need to talk and I don't have anyone to talk to so I am just going to write!! I don't need to be rich but when we need something it would be nice to be able to go and get it!! Like clothes, I have only one pair of pants that fit and most of my clothes are rags. It is hard to feel good about yourself as a woman when you look like the bag lady! We only have 1 chair in our living room and that is it, so one of us always has to lay on the floor. I know it will just help me to appreciate the things I have more and I know I shouldn't be complaining cause there are others out there who have it way worse, but it is just sad and frustrating to me.
My health just keeps getting worse and we can't afford the doctors. The doctor a couple weeks ago wants me to have an upper and lower scope as my stomach and such is giving me a lot of trouble. And my thyroid levels just won't level where they are suppose to so that is a constant battle. I have chest pains quite regularly and I get dizzy and have to sit down before I black out. SO as you can see a lot of frustration and being scared that maybe I won't wake up one of these days. Yes it gets so bad sometimes i am not sure if I am going to have a heart attack or something.
Enough of the venting. I am just blessed to have such an awesome husband and a LORD that loves me. I want to remember this Christmas is really about the LORD and not me and what I don't get. I just pray he will help to show us this coming year how to start doing better and not being saves to debt and such. We want to be debt free and be able to help those less fortunate when it is needed. I pray that everyone will have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS AND BLESSED NEW YEAR!!!!!