This Darn Brain

The most frustrating about all my health issues is my brain issues.  I have a horrible brain fog all the time, my memory is non-existent, and I get confused and lost A LOT!!! It is not only frustrating but scary and embarrassing:(
  I can remember a minute later if I take my medicine, I can't remember if I fed the pets, etc.  So I have to write EVERYTHING down and I have a calendar to check off when I give pets meds and me meds.  I have notes EVERYWHERE!!
  It is scary when I can't remember those things, or when I can't remember peoples names and I don't mean someone I have met a few times but people in my immediate family, when I can't remember where I am going, when I pass the road to work I take everyday and don't notice for 10 minutes.
  It is embarrassing that I know what I want to say and can't get it to come out, or know a more professional way of saying or writing something and it won't come out:(

The more I read on Lymes the scarier it is.  These things I am facing can be severely debilitating and deadly:(  I am living a VERY limited life at this point and don't want to do that anymore but even more than that I want to live a long life and grow old with m husband.  I want to beat all this.  I want to put these diseases into remission.  Even better than that I want to see a cure for these HORRIBLE, CRIPPLING, LIFE STEALING DISEASES!!!

I have been diagnoses with Hashimotos, SIBO, MTHFR, Tualremia, and probability of lymes.  One of these diseases alone is overwhelming and hard to beat.  but all of them is VERY overwhelming and scary. I am on sooooooo many antibiotics, supplements, probiotics, etc.  It is all hard to deal with.

 I am trying to be strong, and positive but I will be honest as y'all know from the past years it is hard.  But when you are in physical pain all day everyday, when you are dizzy, nauseousness, etc y;all know how hard that would be.  But even more with this comes anxiety, depression and worry, worry, worry.  I am fighting, fighting, fighting!!!  I am researching, learning and doing the best I can.  This is something I want to beat!!! something I want to help others beat!!  I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!! I want to be the best person I can, the best wife I can, the best friend and relative I can and I know I can't be that when I am this sick!

Thank you to all of those who pray, and send me notes to check up on me.  It MEANS MORE than y'all could ever know!!!

Seizures SUCK!!!

So last Wednesday night I was laying on the couch and our golden Bear was laying on the other couch.  All the sudden he woke up and had a severe grand mal seizure:(  He has never had one before:(  It broke my heart to see him have that violent seizure.  I just talked to him calm, made the room quiet and put all the other animals out of the room.  It lasted about 4-5 minutes but then it took him about 2 hours to be completely back mentally.  We took him into the vet and did xrays and blood work and they didn't find anything out of the ordinary.  but with him being 10 years old it could be likely to have a brain lesion or brain tumor:(  But to find that out would be MRI or CT and would be few thousand dollars. It may just be a random thing and it may be epilepsy:( But again yesterday AM he had another:(  It was only about 2 1/2 minutes so at least it was shorter but it still very violent and it makes his whole body soooo sore:(
  We are sooooo broken about this.  We want to do what is best for him.  We are not ready to be without our Bear:(  I know they can live with Epilepsy but it is just the not knowing for sure what is causing them:( We just can't afford the neurologists for a few thousand dollars:( Between me and Bear we are a health mess:(  We are praying for them to stop and we are hoping it could be a random thing, or as vet said he may have a blood clot that breakin loose.  But just praying for him.  We want him to be happy and healthy and will do as much as we possibly can!
  So we would appreciate ANY prayers that y'all could send our way!  We need prayers for health in this house!  For Bear to be better.  He is only 10 and other than the seizures he is in amazing health.  Thank you for all thoughts and prayers, we appreciate it more than you could ever know!!!

Bear napping with his daddy at the lake!

Eric has had Bear since before we were together.  This is our baby but this is his Best Friend!

A Fun Project

I hated our current tv stand as it didn't match our decor, and it was incredibly hard to keep clean with all my animals:)  I wanted something with character and something we could redo our own way:)  We still need to make the drawer pulls but it is mostly done.  Here is the before and afters:)

It is prity old.  The lady we bought it from said it was her great grandmas.  So we love that it has some history:)

It is a little darker than it looks in pictured.  And since we didn't use the top drawer my husband is so cute he wants to use the drawer front and make a cute sign or something to give back to the lady we bought the stand from so she still has something from her great grandmas dresser:)

Lots of catching up to do!!!

I haven't given up on the blog I promise.  I have just been battling my health HORRIBLY and with it has come SEVERE brain fog and my motor skills are not the best for typing so I have been putting it off:(  But I miss it and miss keeping up on everyone elses lives.  I want to get going on it again but it will have to be in short, sporadic bursts!  I just have to do a little as I can.  I am finding myself very frustrated and overwhelmed with the health stuff.  But trying to have a little fun here and there when I can.   I will try and post some pictures and back stories of some of our summer adventures soon.

I have finally gotten insurance as of April and we are working with quite a few doctors to try and get my health and quality of life better.  We have gone through some nightmare doctors and luckily now seem to have a good one.  It is just hard with the health care so flooded with us sickly people:(  I am seeing a functional medicine doctor and she has been working with me on my Hashimotos.  But she is trying to find the root cause of the hashis.  So in all of our digging she believes it may have come from Lymes disease so we are doing a lot of testing for that.  But in the digging I was told last week that I have Tularemia again:(  I almost died from it in 2005.  It is rare and they had a hard time figuring out what was wrong with me:( But once you are cured from it you aren't suppose to be able to get it again as it is like having a vaccine:(  So now I will be headed to the science university to treat it and figure out how I contracted it again or if it somehow was dormant:(  It is a very very horrible disease:(  So for now I am on a lot of antibiotics which with my body make me extremely ill:(  But I am just praying, trying to stay as positive as possible and reminding myself live every day as full as I can.

Well I will try and catch up on some posts soon:)

Life

I know I don't keep up on here much anymore.  As I have struggled with in the past I just want to keep things positive and not be negative on here all the time. But in reality that isn't always possible and is not being transparent. Life has its ups and downs and some of them last a while.

  My favorite blogs are from people who are so transparent, open and share all of what life shows them and teaches them.  That is how I wanna be.  I have learned so much from others in the good and the bad they share.  I have learned form there thankfulness, gratefulness, challenges, etc.  I hope in some way I can help others like that.  I know we are not alone in struggles in this world.  I know there is always someone going through more and worse.  There is always something to be grateful for.   But it s good to be able to write the good, the bad and all experiences.  It helps to be able to go back and see growth, patterns, etc.  It also helps when fellow bloggers offer love, suggestions and such.

 It has been a rough go since November with all the crud my bio dad coming back has brought up.  The rifts it has caused in our family.  The very very horrible memories it has brought up from the past.  This man has done horrific things not only to me but others.  That is hard to deal with to be honest.  I am so broken hearted for all he has done to others.  I know it isn't my doing and his actions are his but it breaks my heart that others have to go through the hurt and pain that I had to go with and have had to live with my whole life.  The only thing I can control is me and my reaction and what I allow in my life.  So I have had to make tough choices on some friends and family that I allow in my life. It is hard and sad but I am finding that it is the right choice.  I need to value myself and my well being a lot more than I have.

  I will try and right more often.  To share the good, the fun and the hard.  I love reading everyone's blogs and I love hearing from others. Thanks for all that take the time to read my blog:)

Need to Catch up

I haven't even had time to catch up on home stuff since returning from Arizona and have severely neglected my blog:(  I had a great time in Arizona at the show.  It was A LOT of hard work but it was a great time.  Who wouldn't love to work around all those amazing horses:)  Got to meet lots of people from lots of places.  Love watching all the horses doing so many different disciplines.  I love how versatile the Arabians are.  And of course who doesn't love warm and sunny weather:)

We got home a week and a half ago but we are changing barn staff at work so it has been a lot of interviewing and work to get caught up from being gone.  But it is nice to have a few extra hours for income:)  That I do like:)  We have been getting pictures and videos done of new filly and few others we have to market.  Lots of things to do on the farm:)

I am working on trying to get some reading done on y'alls blogs to:)  I am sorry  I am so distracted and don't keep up enough.

Hitting the Road Finally

Well we will be leaving the farm at 4am tomorrow.  We have had a lot going on at the farm and are leaving a few days late.  We will be heading down to southern california to drop a horse off and then across to Scottsdale for the big Arabian Show.  I am soooooooooooo excited to see all the horses.  We will be there with Q Nine selling presentation sets and halter stuff.  It is going to be a lot of work but a lot of fun at the same time. We will be gone almost 3 weeks so I am going to miss my handsome and all my critters tons. The dogs will be going to work with Eric during the day so that will be fun for them:)  Well if any of you are attending the Scottsdale Arabian Show stop by the Q nine booth at Wendell arena and say hello:)