Blind Hope

I just finished this book and I have to say it was amazing. It definitely hit home and I will admit I bawled my eyes out quite a few times as these are a lot of the same things that I have thought and that my baby Reksy taught me. I don't want to ruin the book for anyone that wants to read it. But I have to say that if we take the time to look at our furry friends and to realize how sweet, loyal and trusting they are we may learn a lot. Even more we could really learn from their forgiveness, joy, loyalty, and many other great qualities. I just marvel at how GOD works and sometimes teaches us things:)

HOPE for the first time in a long time

So I just have to say that today the LORD really spoke to me. I have been praying and praying to hear from him. I have been praying for so many things lately...Hope, strength, patience, peace, no fear, direction in our lives and so many many other things. Today hope was sent. It was sent in the form of a Dr. Dobson broadcast. It was a broadcast done from crystal peaks youth ranch in sisters Oregon. This is a ranch I have mentioned before and is very dear to my heart. This is the place I got hope another time when I really needed it most!!!!

My whole life I have just craved animals. They bring sooooo much joy to me and they were always there for me when I needed them. They never hurt me like people did or if they did it wasn’t on purpose. They were my saving grace. But it was horses that had something soooo very very special. I felt like everything was right with the world when I was on them. I had a dream for so long of rescuing horses and then helping kids who had been in bad situations like I had. It was in 2006 that I found out about crystal peaks and went for one of their information clinics on how to run a ranch like this. But I had no idea that the LORD would speak to me in such a big way that time. I was feeling so hopeless at that time as I was in a very abusive marriage that had prity much taken everything away from me and where I wasn’t even allowed to worship GOD in the ways I wanted or needed to. I prayed the whole way there that GOD would show me how to make my life better. Well this is what he showed me.......
　

　
OK so you are thinking that looks like a skinny old horse with a bunch of paint on him and that is exactly what it is!!!!! But no he is even more than that. This is JOB, he was of course named after job from the bible and that is because he had been through such terrible things. But on one of the breaks I was leaning on the fence watching all the horses, crying as I just felt so terrible I was praying GOD please talk to me, please say anything...and at that very moment from the bottom of the pasture this broken, boney horse who normally slowly, and achily made his way around the pasture looked up at me and ran to me at the fence. He came right up and put his nose in my face. I started to pet him and at that moment on his neck plain as day and spoke right from the LORD was the word HOPE. As you can imagine immediately broke down crying and job just stayed and let me cry my tears all over his beautiful dusty face. It was then I knew GOD was always with me. I held that day sooooo dear to me and lately I have let things fade that memory and I won’t do that again!!!

I am not sure what the LORD has for me. I hope it would be to work at or run a rescue program and to change lives but I just know I want my life to be about him. I want to spend everyday of my life seeing GOD work in others and see people come to him and be saved. I don’t just want my life to be about money and things. I don’t want to die wishing I had done more for him and others. I am going to be praying fervently about this. I want more than anything for my life to change for him in big ways!!!!

Here are the links for the broadcast if anyone is interested and the crystal peaks website. They are amazing, humble people who are truly devoted to the LORD and helping others. Amazing story of what they have done through the LORD!!!

http://www.crystalpeaksyouthranch.org/
http://www.myfamilytalk.com/index.php/2010/07/20/crystal-peaks-youth-ranch-i/
http://www.myfamilytalk.com/index.php/2010/07/21/crystal-peaks-youth-ranch-ii/

I know I just disapeer a lot!!

Ok so I know I don't post often enough. But to be honest I don't really know what to post. Life has just been full of a lot of crap!!!! It is still hard daily missing my little shadow Reksy. I have at least put a few pounds on my horse though and I sure love having her with me. It does cause a lot of stress, but she deserves the best. It just seems like lately it don't just rain, it pours. My dog died, getting my horse back way to skinny, our truck broke down, the explorer isn't running well, and medical appointments and bills rolling in and burying us farther and farther!! Sorry this is such a downer post and now you see why I just disappear.

I have always been the optimistic type and I always try to look at the bright side but in the last year I can't seem to find that optimism or positiveness. Everything since I have been sick is just wearing more and more on me. I still try hard to try not to let everything drag me down but it is just hard sometimes. I am not giving up and I definitely don't just want to have a pity party. I spend a lot of time praying and I am just trying to figure out what I can do to change all these problems.

Well Back from oregon....and some huge heartbreaks!!!

Well I got back from Oregon a week ago. It was a very quick trip but I did get to see a lot of people and have some great fun and memories. I will try and do a post just about that soon. Got of course pics to go with it:)

Well my oldest dog Reksy got sick while I was gone:( He just wouldn't eat and then sometimes he would so when he didn't eat at all and then he started throwing up and such Eric took him into the vet. That is when Eric called me crying(and this man really doesn't cry over anything) he said that he had stomach cancer and it was some large masses. Of course I lost it and balled like a baby! All I could think is how I let that poor boy down being gone while he was so sick. I would be home soon so they gave him a morphine patch for comfort and Eric brought back my baby. I got home and got to spend one last evening with him and the next afternoon we took him in and he went to wait for us at our ranch in the sky. I can't even begin to tell you how much my heart is still hurting, that dog took a part of it when he went. We have been through so much together and he was my shadow. It has been a week today and my hurt is still so raw and open. He was like a kid to me!!! Here are a few pics of before and right before. I can't believe in just 7 days how quickly it took him. The weight loss and impact.

See my shadow:)

Reksy in 2006

The last evening together as a "family" you can see how sad Eric is:(


Well then the next surprise I got the day I got home was a flash of shiny copper out in the arena. I about fell over when I realized it was my horse Shar. Yes SHAR!! Eric surprised me and brought her home while I was gone. I was soooooooo amazed to see her but as I moved closer my devastation for the day depend. She is soooooo terribly skinny. I was shocked as the people said she was maintaining well and everything. Eric said she had actually gained weight while she was home as he had her on grass. It was hard to see that. I realize she is old and it is hard to keep weight on older horses sometimes but my gosh I wish they would have told me. But like Eric said no one is going to take as good care of her as we will. He said he was sorry he ever let me give her up. What a sweet guy. She is really happy, and seems

healthy other than skinny, her coat is really nice and sleek and shinny. I am trying to hunt down some REALLY good quality horse hay now, I have her on senior feed, corn oil and cool calories. I am introducing all of it slowly as not to colic her. I just want her fat and sassy again:) but I know it takes time. If anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them. She is such a great girl and she deserves the best!!! I will also be getting her to the vet soon just to have her accessed.

I really need to catch up on every ones blogs!!! Miss y'all:)

Leaving for Oregon tomorrow!!

I am leaving tomorrow for Oregon for about 12 days or so. My aunt from Minnesota is going back for a wedding and asked if I would like to ride along. I am soooooooooo very excited to see those I love:) I only have a week in Oregon so it will be busy, busy, busy to see everyone I want to see. I can't wait to see all the babies that were born while I was there last year, I am sure they are all so big by now:)

I will have lots of pictures and things to blog about when I return I am sure:) I will miss y'all have a great couple of weeks!

Really TORN!!!!! What should I do???

OK so maybe some of you have read my previous posts about my horses that I gave up. It has been about a year and a half ago and still everyday I think about it and am sad. I loved them both VERY much but especially Shar, she was my baby!!! I did everything with her...rodeo, medieval horse back fighting, parades, etc. etc. She has always been the best horse. I miss her everyday. But it was hard for her from the time we moved to Nebraska as she was 19 at the time and the extreme cold winters were hard on her. But last year after fighting with the cancer and such all the bills were stacking up and I was spending money I needed for medication to take care of my horses and then we had to move to the new ranch since we were about to loose our house. But when we moved to the new ranch the horses had to be kept in a pasture over two miles from the house and with no shelter and the first night there they tore themselves to bits on the barbed wire even though we walked a lot of the 400 acre fence line with them before we let them go. It broke my heart so bad to see them so bad off and I knew thatShar would not do well through a harsh sandhills winter with no shelter so I made the decision to send them to a rescue facility that let kids ride them. It broke me into a million pieces!!! But I did finally feel like they were in a better place that had better facilities to take care of them and then chief did get adopted out so that was good.

Ok here is my what should I do??? I just got an email from the rescue and they are wanting to find Shar a home as she has to be on a special diet to keep weight on and that keeps her farther from the herd so the kids don't pick her to ride as much. So they would like to know if I would want to take her back. Part of me of course screams yes I want my baby back, but the other parts of me are sooooooo scared??? For one it is a long drive back to Lincoln to get her, she is 23 now and I am not sure I want to have her here for the winters, I am not sure we are in a position to afford to be able to take care of all the emergency's that may occur? I am not sure how much longer she will be ride able, and sooo on. Maybe also It hurt sooooo bad to give her up the first time I don't want to have to do it a second time if it doesn't work out or if she passes away. And with ranch life we really never know when we may have to move for sure and then finding a place for lots of horses is hard. But I have been dieing to get to ride again and been wanting to get another horse, but it would have to be exactly the right horse, which is Shar but about 20 years younger:)

I just really don't know what to do and I want to make a good responsible decision for her and me!

some well needed time off!!

So it was only a 1/2 of a day but it was awesome!! We have been so tired and starting to get burned out with going on 5 1/2months of calving. Not sleeping at night for that long gets old, but we are just blessed to have a good job.

We had a 1/2 day off on Monday and so we drove to Hill city, SD and took the 1880 train from Hill city to keystone. It was so beautiful and romantic. It is about a 2 hour round trip and through some beautiful country. The old train was so neat. I love the sound of an old steam engine. very fun time. We also walked around town and had buffalo burgers for lunch. I love buffalo meat!! Below are a few pictures from our day:)

Waiting to get on the train!

Was such a beautiful train!

Inside the two cars we rode on!!!

Eric looking at a really neat horse sculpture!!!

Pactola Reservoir on the way to Hill city