Here is the impatient me!!! Yes the child that stomps her feet, pouts and says now, now, now!!!!! I am just feeling like I am doing nothing and going no where. I don't really know how I got here to be honest. Well maybe I do and just not sure how I let it happen. I use to be so bold and adventurous and don't dare say I couldn't do something cause I would just to show you I could. Not that that was a good thing all the time but I was tough and audacious. Now I am a scared, insecure, waif. Never would I have thought I would have been like that. But I let a man(My ex-husband) do this to me, I let him shame me into believing I was never good enough and that I would never amount to anything. I knew what I was going through was damaging, but I guess I figured when he was gone all those feelings would be to, and they aren't. I hate that!!!!
I want to be doing something great with my life. I want to have great friends that I can trust and enjoy and I want to be doing things for the LORD that make a difference. I just want to be doing something. Something that matters!! I want to be that strong, bold, audacious woman. One with strength and compassion, one that can help others when they are down. LORD please show me the way. It is so easy for us to want to live OUR dreams or OUR ideas and it usually ends up in trouble:) I want to live his(The LORDS) dreams and ideas. I know the passions I have he gave me and for a reason. I want to see them happen. But really need the mind set and heart to do it. I need the old me back with the wisdom I have learned and continue to learn daily.
It is just so easy in life to allow others to strip these things from you, and it is easy to not even know it is happening. I just wish it wasn't soooooo hard to get it all back. I look at myself a few years ago and see this courageous, adventurous person who lived in a tipi for 3 years and a yurt for 3 years, someone who did back country packing for a job, and so many other amazing things and then I see now. I don't want to just sit and watch life go by. I want to be immersed in it!!!
I don't want to hear his voice(the ex) or their voices(family, so called friends, mean people) I want to hear the Lord's voice that I am a daughter of the most high and that I can do all things through him who strengthens me. I want to look back when I am old and grey and see all the fun, adventure and most of all the difference I made in others. That is what I truly want!
I think you're looking at this wrong. God can use you where you are, right now. I have a friend who is a recovering sex addict. And god has used him in so many ways. helping other people avoid the traps and downfalls he made. You can do the same.
ReplyDeleteI try and let the LORD use me anytime he can. I try to help others when I can, I try to encourage people also. I am sure south dakota you understand the time it takes to get confidence back and such when others forceably take it, it is just taking time and I am trying to do the best I can along the way. In my heart I know that GOD works everywhere and that he is always there for me, but some days are just tough. But I am seeing those less and less also. Thanks for your comment!
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