31st Birthday on the 31st!

Yep I am 31 today. I guess now I am officially in my 30's:) I am not a person that worries to terribly about age, I think we all do some but it isn't a huge deal to me. I think every age has its advantages and you are as old as you feel and act:) OK maybe your body doesn't agree with your mind:) I just hope this next year is a great one, one full of hope and adventure. I just want us to finally get on our feet and at least get our debt manageable and paying on it. That is my birthday wish:) I just want to be free of so much worry and stress. That would be the best birthday present ever!!! I had someone else I know do this on their bday and I thought it was fun. Just some fun questions. 1. Have you ever had a surprise party? Sadly no:( 2. What is the best gift you have ever gotten? This is tough because I love gifts even in the smallest of forms. The littlest things mean the world to me. I probably would have to say my montana silversmith statue from my handsome:) 3. What is the worst gift you have ever gotten? HMMMMMM.... honestly I can't think of anything. 4. What would be your dream gift? for sure a vacation. I love to travel so a weekend get a way, or if money no object somewhat a cruise or something. Just a chance to get away. 5. Which birthday has been your favorite?(So far) Probably my 8th bday my parents had a party for me and my dad since his bday is only few days after mine and we had a huge bonfire by our pond and we all roasted hot dogs and such and fished, it was just a great day of our whole family having a great time. 6. Which birthday was your least favorite? My 18th. No one remembered. It was two days later that most people remembered if at all. I was so excited and thought I would have a great party and all and nothing. 7. What is your favorite kind of cake? Black forest cake without the raspberry filling. 8. What is your favorite birthday dinner? Oh that is a tough choice. But I really love a big steak dinner so probably Texas roadhouse or olive garden:) 9. From 1-10 how important are birthdays to you? 8 I think it is a very important day. It is the day you were put on this earth and I think it allows others to show how important you are to them on a day that is just yours:) Unless you share your bday with someone:) 10. Describe a very cool way to celebrate a birthday?(ideas for others:)

Interview yesterday

So I had my interview with carbondale parks and rec yesterday, it went really well. He will call probably end of next week or beginning of next. I hate to wait but they don't need anyone for a couple weeks since it is still crazy weather lately:) I really hope I get it as it pays well, and it would get me out doing some physical labor, which Gosh knows I need that!!!!! We are just hoping my body responds well to it:) It has no choice really we need the money and I need the exercise. So hopefully I get it. Eric is stressing out trying to figure out how we can afford to fix the car and such, I personally don't think it is worth fixing and so we also keep an eye out for a cheap beater car that will get us from point A to B. The transmission is bad and everyone wants $1200-$2000 to fix it and these transmissions come to find out are notorious for going bad so no thanks don't think that would be a good investment. Probably have to drive Eric to work first and share the car for a month or so. But poor Eric, he would have to be to work at 5:30 and he usually doesn't start till 7. Guess he will have to take up reading or something:) So please if you have a minute pray we can workout our transportation stuff well. Thanks we would really appreciate it. I just really want to get this job to pay off some big things that are due right now and totally stressing me out. This would help to get things manageable. We are also hoping that Eric's hours will start picking up so we can get all those wonderful people that have helped us paid back and get the pressing bills that are due now and WON'T wait paid. Just can't wait to hear. I have also been looking other places but this one pays way better so we will see.

Too Cute Tueday:)

Well atleast I think he is:)

I know its late...But my heart is broken!!!!

It is late but I can't sleep. My best friend called me just a little while ago and I knew something was wrong when it was this late. She couldn't even get the words out and I knew what was wrong. The little baby inside of her is gone not to enter this world. She couldn't hardly say anything she was crying so hard. It broke my heart!!! I can only imagine a little the hurt she is going through. It has devastated her. I know lots of woman go through miscarriages but it doesn't change the fact that those woman lost a baby no matter how far along it was. It was a baby and they will morn the loss of that child forever. They will always wonder what it would have been or who they would have become. My heart is soooooo broken for her. She is my best friend in the whole world, I can't describe our friendship as any better than we are soul mates for sure. We have a connection that is so beyond just a great friendship. We always know something is up before the other even picks up the phone. I just hurt so bad now not being able to be there for her. I just want to be there to help her through or just be there. I hate being so far. She has been there for me through so much and when she needs me most I can't be there:( I can't describe the pain that causes me:(
I am hoping and praying the LORD will comfort her and help her to work through this. I pray he will help me, how selfish I know but I just feel like I am failing her as a friend. I hate not being able to go to her when she needs me or any of my friends and family for that matter. This isn't the first time. I just pray the LORD will work this all out for his good and be with Candi through this soooooooooooo very rough time!!! Thank you all for listening to me babble. I appreciate all the thoughts and prayers!!!

To have a baby or not to have a baby???

I have written about this before but it is coming up a lot lately with lots of friends and relatives pregnant and having babies and I got a call Sunday that my best friend is pregnant again:) I am SOOOOOOOOOO excited for her and I get to be there again when the baby is born. I loved getting to see her first little girl enter this world. I wish we lived closer so I could be there more. I miss that little girl and I miss my best friend like crazy!!! So this again brought up my baby questions.
I wouldn't worry so I guess, but it is not like I am getting any younger:) I know people have babies older but it is nice to be younger and have some energy when they are teenagers:) I go back and forth with it. I know that Eric wants kids terribly but he never pushes it on me and never pressures me. I just worry about being able to take care of them, provide things they need and some of the things they want:), I worry I will regret it, I worry what this world will even have to offer them the way things are going. I guess another big reason is that we are so secluded from all our friends and family. I don't want my kids to grow up alone. I want to be responsible and be financially stable and all that, but realistically that will NOT be any time in the near future. I wish it was but it isn't. Then everyone always says if you wait till you can afford them you will never have them. That is true I guess.
I just really don't know what to do and I feel a lot of pressure lately to make a decision. I am definitely excited to get the insurance in a few months and get some stuff figured out with my health and then talk with the doctor about even the possibilities. I guess the biggest thing is I am a BIG FAT CHICKEN!!!!!

Its all about pringle last few days!

Well he seems OK still, this am he was acting a little funny, but seems just fine now. I am not sure if he just got a tummy ache and is getting over it or what. Sometimes you may never know. I have continued the pro biotics and will probably start a daily supplement with pro bios in it just for good measure. Just hope we are REALLY over the hump and heading on the uphill. I am exhausted and stressed to the max. I love my horses more than most probably should. I find myself soooooo torn and sad:( I just really want to be able to take proper care of them. Don't get me wrong they are fed well and such but these emergencies we can't afford. I just feel like I am letting them down by not being able to get them to the vet if need be. I HATE TO SAY THIS AND I CRY AS I SAY IT but I have been going back and forth with finding them new homes.............................:( :( :( :(
I don't want to give them up that is for sure but it isn't fair that they should suffer if we can't "afford it" and by we can't afford it I don't mean we just won't, I would go without food and such to take care of them but the fact is we just don't have the money. I was so beyond stressed that Eric had to leave work and hour and a half early because we needed the overtime to make rent. I know you shouldn't have them if you can't afford them, but we are in a lot different circumstances now than before. Life throws some curve balls. I just love them so much and really who wants a broke down old mare. Pringle needs work and he could be someone a good horse, Eric wants to ride him so bad but doesn't have the time and we can't afford for him to get hurt training him if it should happen. I am just so torn and sad right now. I remember the feeling when I gave shar up the first time when I was so sick from my cancer and the thyroid. I wasn't even buying my meds so we could help her more and so we found her a home but everyday for the next year and a half I missed her like crazy and cried A LOT!!! I know I am a huge baby anymore. Just want to make sure we do what is best for them and not be selfish, but also don't want to be hasty and make bad decisions. For now I am loving them like crazy and doing the best we can:)
So THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR PRAYERS AND SUPPORT MEANS MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW!!! They say we are in for a storm so please pray it isn't to bad, I think Pringle could use good weather:)

Pringle Update

Well Pringle does seem better this am. I am sooooooooooo glad, but I will not be fooled that we are out of the woods yet. We will be keeping a close eye on him for a while. We got up about once and hour last night to check on him and to our happiness not once was he laying down or acting up so that is a good thing. So thank you for the prayers and please keep them coming. This will definitely make us have to get our emergency kit together. We were just to spoiled on the ranches as we always had everything on hand and didn't have to worry about having our own, we know now that isn't the case. So we are going to have to get a kit together and that will help in the future.