SOOO MANY updates to do where do I start:)

I have so many updates to do now that I have a computer that will let me upload photos. I don't even know where to start!! I will probably start with wedding stuff as that is how I started out blogging in the first place:) Hope everyone enjoys my blogs so far. I love getting to read others and see what is going on in peoples lives.

A New Used computer.....YAY!!!!!!!!

Oh I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am. We got a used computer for $120.00. It is a nice dell and best of all now I can upload photos whenever I want to make my blog more interesting:) I can't wait to update some of my old entries with pictures and then start on some new ones now that I have pictures:) I have been doing happy dances since we got it yesterday afternoon:)

Helping those who are down and out...

Tonight we had to go into town for groceries and it had been a rough day with money, things we need and can't afford and such. It was just a bad day. But we went into walmart and got our groceries and were on our way back to the truck when we heard someone say excuse me. We weren't expecting anyone to say anything so we both turned around kind of quickly and there was a man and when we turned quickly like that he cowered and looked terrified, I felt bad for making him feel that way. We asked what he needed and he said I am stranded and hungry and was wondering if you could help me with something to eat. I could tell he spoke like he was def and looked and acted like he may be autistic. But you could tell he was homeless and had had a rough life to say the least. We said we would be willing to take him and get him some dinner. The look of shock in his eyes that we would be willing to do that was priceless, something I won't forget. I am cautious however and told him he would have to ride in the back of the pickup and he was more than happy with that. We took him to burger king and I could tell he was having trouble hearing us. We told him he could order whatever he wanted. He was in shock, he didn't know what to do, but we got him what he wanted and we all sat down to eat. To say the least his manners weren't the greatest, but you know I didn't even care, he was more than appreciative of the food and he shared some with us. The best part was he was christian and he even pulled a little bible out of his grocery sack to show me and I found a scripture and read it a loud to him. You could see him fight back tears and he listened with a ferocity I hadn't seen in a long time. He was so happy to talk about the LORD and he just said it is hard but I trust GOD and I know he is there for me. WOW can you say eye opener!!!! A man with no food or home or anyway to stay warm and he trusts the LORD for all he will have to deal with. It made me stop and think how selfish and petty I had been earlier in the day. That no matter how many problems with this house we have or such that I am lucky to have it at all!!! Thank you LORD for reminding me of so many things tonight!!
As he was finishing he was still fiddling with his hearing aid and having trouble hearing us so we asked what was wrong with it and he said the battery was going dead. So we drove him back to walmart took him in and I got him a 8 pack of batteries for it and some water. He just kept saying how he was so thankful and that you just don't find people who care anymore. I don't know his whole story and to be honest it doesn't really matter to me. I know we did a good thing and we didn't enable any bad habits either so it was a great thing. The best thing is that he knows it was because of Christ in us that we wanted to help him:)
Just makes you stop and think that no matter how bad it is or how much you need or don't have it could be a lot worse!!! I pray that I will always stay thankful of what I have!!!

LORD any day you can tell me which trail to take.....

Here is the impatient me!!! Yes the child that stomps her feet, pouts and says now, now, now!!!!! I am just feeling like I am doing nothing and going no where. I don't really know how I got here to be honest. Well maybe I do and just not sure how I let it happen. I use to be so bold and adventurous and don't dare say I couldn't do something cause I would just to show you I could. Not that that was a good thing all the time but I was tough and audacious. Now I am a scared, insecure, waif. Never would I have thought I would have been like that. But I let a man(My ex-husband) do this to me, I let him shame me into believing I was never good enough and that I would never amount to anything. I knew what I was going through was damaging, but I guess I figured when he was gone all those feelings would be to, and they aren't. I hate that!!!!
I want to be doing something great with my life. I want to have great friends that I can trust and enjoy and I want to be doing things for the LORD that make a difference. I just want to be doing something. Something that matters!! I want to be that strong, bold, audacious woman. One with strength and compassion, one that can help others when they are down. LORD please show me the way. It is so easy for us to want to live OUR dreams or OUR ideas and it usually ends up in trouble:) I want to live his(The LORDS) dreams and ideas. I know the passions I have he gave me and for a reason. I want to see them happen. But really need the mind set and heart to do it. I need the old me back with the wisdom I have learned and continue to learn daily.
It is just so easy in life to allow others to strip these things from you, and it is easy to not even know it is happening. I just wish it wasn't soooooo hard to get it all back. I look at myself a few years ago and see this courageous, adventurous person who lived in a tipi for 3 years and a yurt for 3 years, someone who did back country packing for a job, and so many other amazing things and then I see now. I don't want to just sit and watch life go by. I want to be immersed in it!!!
I don't want to hear his voice(the ex) or their voices(family, so called friends, mean people) I want to hear the Lord's voice that I am a daughter of the most high and that I can do all things through him who strengthens me. I want to look back when I am old and grey and see all the fun, adventure and most of all the difference I made in others. That is what I truly want!

If you are going to be a ranch girl, you gotta work like a ranch girl....

So we are getting everything prepared here for calving, which starts like 2 weeks or so from now. We have lots to do and the past two days I have been working my rear off on the horse barn. I realized that I am way way way out of shape and that I really missed ranch work. The last ranch we worked on I was not allowed to help except during night calving so to say the least I am out of shape;) But it was nice getting to get out there and do some good ole fashioned manual labor:) Oh don't get me wrong I still had fun with the tractors and the bobcats:)
We still had drifts a few feet high that we had to get cleared out of the calving lot and around the barn so that took a while, but with this really nice weather it is helping to melt everything, but I hope it dries it out to as it is going to turn into an ice skating rink if not!!
Since we moved here only a month ago, there is lots to do. To say it the nicest the person here before us was a pig and didn't do anything or take care of anything so there is lots to fix and clean. I literally had to shovel out 2 1/2 feet worth of horse poo in the horse barn, he had never cleaned it at all. But at least it helps with some income to for me to work a little here and there. Plus gets me out and doing something:)
We have about 250 head of heifers that we will calve out on our section of the ranch and then we will help with the cows when we are done with the heifers. It will keep us busy to say the least:)

My big struggle and trying to change

I just read a blog by a fellow blogger and she wrote on girl envy. It hit home for me big time in that I am constantly looking at other women and wishing I had some quality they did and that would make me better. Things like prettier hair, skin, being thinner, having wonderful clothes, be more talented, dance better, sing better, and on and on. I know it isn't looks that make you up as a person but lets face it girls we all want to be beautiful and captivating. This struggle has become even harder for me as I have gained a ton of weight from all the thyroid troubles from the cancer and no matter what I do I can't loose it. It makes me feel terrible and I don't even like to look at myself in the mirror. I don't say all this for attention or a pity party, I just hope that maybe like the blog I read I will realize and so will others we are not alone in feeling inadequate.
The good that has come out of the weight gain and not being able to have nice clothes and things is that I find myself being very much less judgemental. I was never super judgemental but here and there I would look at someone heavy and ask how they let it get that far or why they wore that outfit. Well now I try to think I don't know their struggles or their story. Who knows what they are going through personally, medically or financially that may hinder them from having or looking the way they want to. You really can't judge until you have been in someones shoes.
I am trying really hard to remember the struggles I have been through and that I am lucky to even be alive but still as a woman we have so many things put in our face that stay to be more skinny, more beautiful. I just want to feel good and healthy in my own body. I know I am not now and never will be at this size but I need to learn to fight it in a good positive way and not hate myself.
Someday I hope that the doctors can figure out why I still feel crappy and what is wrong, or heck even better that I just wake up one day and feel good and that I can get myself back to a healthy weight that I feel good with and that we will get out of debt and be able to afford nice clothes and things every once in a while. In the whole of life these things don't matter but it is still nice to feel beautiful and captivating:)

A Introduction to my little family:)UPDATED PHOTOS 1/21

Just thought I should take a few minutes and introduce you to my little family. It is just me and my new husband with four legged kids:) They keep us busy and laughing all the time.

First I will introduce you to Eric, (you will hear me refer to him as handsome also:))he is my world and the most amazing man I know. We met online little over 3 years ago, yes online!!! We were both on a horse website that you could chat on, I used it to talk to with people I had worked on ranches with. And we just started talking and he was everything I had always prayed for:) We have been through a lot together from crappy families to me being sick all the time, to me being diagnosed with thyroid cancer and prity much loosing everything since we didn't have insurance and never once has he made me feel bad or like he wished it was different. GOD knew me when he picked Eric:) He is an extremely funny man that loves the ranch life. He use to bull ride some and wants to learn to rope well. He is extremely mechanical and can fix prity much anything.

The below pictures is from our wedding September:)

Picture of Eric I took and won a photo contest with!!

One of our engagement pictures that I took!

Next up I will introduce our three dogs:) They are the three stooges for sure and so different in kind, color and personality.

First up is our youngest...Bear. He is a pure bred golden retriever. He was Eric's dog when I met him. He got a staff infection from a scratch when he was a the breeders as a pup. They finally took him to the vet and that is when they didn't want to stick with treating him so Eric offered to take him. He spent the first like 4 months of his life in the vet. His face and head swelled huge and that is why you will see in the pictures it looks like he has mange around his eyes and nose, the hair never grew back because of the fevers. But he is I believe 5 now and full of energy. Goes all day long and favorite is to chase the deer everywhere, and then take a bath in what ever water is available. Which I mommy don't like him taking off:) Very protective mom:)

He sure loves his pool!! yes it is his own personal pool!!

Next is our second oldest Kohanna. He is a malamute-wolf cross I got when he was 6 weeks old. He will turn 10 in July. His first house was the Tipi I lived in Idaho for 3 years. He loved it and I think he wishes we still lived in it:) He is a model baby as my husband calls him. He loves to talk and howl at everyone. He likes the finer things in life:) He sits with his legs crossed and Eric calls him a sissy, I say he is sophisticated.

Here he is baby Kohanna trying to get out of the Tipi:)

Bear and Kohanna trying to fit in bears medium sized kennel in the truck!! They are such nerds:)

Then there is old man Reks. I don't know how old he is probably 12+ years old. He is a German Shepherd-rottweiler mix. He was a dog that a neighbor had and was scared of so she asked if we wanted him since he got along sowell with Kohanna. I don't know why she was scared of him he is the sweetest. But he did have seizures at stress and such so I called the humane society where he came from as I was working at the vet at the time and they informed me he was used as a bait dog for fighting ring. So that explained his being scared of other dogs till we got to know them, his teeth were filed way down and his seizures. It took quite a few years but he is mostly over his fear of someone hurting him and we found out about the same time as I did about mine that he had low thyroid and that is why he was going bald and lethargic. Man some thyro tabs and he is like a new dog:) He is not photogenic but he is a cutie:)

oh he gets so embarrassed in his sweater:)

He is my shadow, gotta go everywhere with me!!!

Next is the Kitty's.

First Cat is Target, she is long haired Tiger striped cat that ways about 14lbs or so. She almost looks like a manecoon. She is about 5 or so and is still very playful and loves attention. She was a barn cat at the elk ranch and hung out in my horse barn away from all the others. One day she went missing for a few days and when she returned her rear foot was all swollen and abscessed. We aren't sure what happened, but we had to have one of her toes amputated and she had to become and indoor kitty for infection purposes for a while, well after she was all healed I loved her and she loved being inside with me so that is how I got her.

I'm Ready for my close up!!!!

Then there is the newest addition to the family and I so wish I could have pics because he is hilarious. It is Tonka a dark orange tabby cat. He is about 7 weeks old or so now and a spit fire. He is going to be a handful. If he gets in trouble he gets mad and thinks he is going to put you in your place, well wrong but he tries:) Him and Target have a love hate relationship so far. He loves her, she hates him. She looks like a bobcat whenever he comes near her. But hopefully they will learn to get a long so she won't be so lonely.

Tonka at two weeks old when we picked him out

I give, I give, Don't shoot:) Tonka at 5 weeks when we got him

Well this spring we will probably ad a few more family members and I will keep you updated.