My big struggle and trying to change

I just read a blog by a fellow blogger and she wrote on girl envy. It hit home for me big time in that I am constantly looking at other women and wishing I had some quality they did and that would make me better. Things like prettier hair, skin, being thinner, having wonderful clothes, be more talented, dance better, sing better, and on and on. I know it isn't looks that make you up as a person but lets face it girls we all want to be beautiful and captivating. This struggle has become even harder for me as I have gained a ton of weight from all the thyroid troubles from the cancer and no matter what I do I can't loose it. It makes me feel terrible and I don't even like to look at myself in the mirror. I don't say all this for attention or a pity party, I just hope that maybe like the blog I read I will realize and so will others we are not alone in feeling inadequate.
The good that has come out of the weight gain and not being able to have nice clothes and things is that I find myself being very much less judgemental. I was never super judgemental but here and there I would look at someone heavy and ask how they let it get that far or why they wore that outfit. Well now I try to think I don't know their struggles or their story. Who knows what they are going through personally, medically or financially that may hinder them from having or looking the way they want to. You really can't judge until you have been in someones shoes.
I am trying really hard to remember the struggles I have been through and that I am lucky to even be alive but still as a woman we have so many things put in our face that stay to be more skinny, more beautiful. I just want to feel good and healthy in my own body. I know I am not now and never will be at this size but I need to learn to fight it in a good positive way and not hate myself.
Someday I hope that the doctors can figure out why I still feel crappy and what is wrong, or heck even better that I just wake up one day and feel good and that I can get myself back to a healthy weight that I feel good with and that we will get out of debt and be able to afford nice clothes and things every once in a while. In the whole of life these things don't matter but it is still nice to feel beautiful and captivating:)