Ok so I know I promised pics of new place, but me and my computer are having a disagreement on whether I should be allowed to!!!!
So that seems to be the question everyone asks these days.... First question...Do you have any kids? Second....When are you going to have kids? Well here is my immediate answer I want to say NEVER!!! But let me explain. Honestly this is a huge battle in my life and for many reasons. I grew up in a very alcholic home with lots and lots of problems and there was abuse. I didn't have the support or love I needed and to be honest my life was hell, especially the teen years!
I go back and forth with the idea of having kids. I never wanted to have kids with my ex husband and am so glad we didn't but now I have Eric and he is soooooo great and he loves kids soooooo much. He would be a great dad. I know he would love to have some but he says now he doesn't cause he knows I don't want to. But really it isn't necessarily I don't want to it is being scared. I am scared of so many things:
* scared of not being a good parent
*scared of not being able to afford to give them a good life
*scared of the fights it would cause with my family as I would not let them babysit and such due to the alcholism and smoking around the children
*scared of doing it alone, as we don't have any friends or family close to us
*scared medically that I can't do it or that something bad could go wrong with all my medical problems
*scared it would be irresponsible for me to get pregnant when we don't have insurance and such(yet I don't feel like that about others in the same situation)
*but scared I will miss out on one of God's greatest blessings
*scared Eric will end up resenting me if we don't have kids(even tho he says he won't:)
* Just scared, scared, scared!!!!!
So I guess y'all are getting to know me a little better now:) I have always said if GOD wants it to happen it will, but I think that I could be stopping him by my choice and actions also. Kids are just such a huge commitment and it isn't just your life you are messing with anymore, it is theirs to. I guess I wouldn't worry about it so much but it isn't like I am early twenties with years to wait, I will turn 30 this year. I am not saying 30 is old, but I don't want to be 80 going to my kids graduation:) I want to be around for a long time in their lives if I choose to have them:)
Blog hopped here from Ranchin' Momma, and I just have to tell you something. I completely understand this: scared of the fights it would cause with my family as I would not let them babysit and such due to the alcholism and smoking around the children. My husbands family is NOT allowed to watch our children unsupervised. I do not agree with their lifestyle, and they just don't get that privilege. It was definitely something that made me nervous when we started thinking about having kids. But, thankfully God really worked on my Hubby's heart and helped him to understand. Now he feels the same way. There are times his family doesn't understand and throws their little fits, but that's the best part of having your own family. You're not entitled to anyone, especially when they do not walk the same road you do. Don't let that hinder your decision making. Family will be family, and there is always something that can cause issues. You are starting a new chapter, one that doesn't involve the alcoholism, and you control the outcome (with God's help, of course).
ReplyDeleteAlso, don't worry about not having insurance. I realize that sounds like a flippant thing to say, but I started out this pregnancy with zero insurance and God has provided and provided. Children truly are a blessing from Him and He provides!
That being said, pray about it always and I promise you that you'll know when the time is right. Being a Momma changes the way you think a million times over. You think you can't and won't make it, but you do. Oh, it's challenging, and comes with its own rule book (grin), but it's amazing and you just can't explain it until you experience it.
I hope this comes across as encouragement. Being a fairly new Momma myself, I always feel for the gals I know who are trying to decide if they want to take the plunge. I always want to say GO FOR IT, but it's a lot easier when you're already in the water. ;)
What a honest post! I can relate to so much of what you wrote. Pray about it. Remember...it is not a requirement for God's love.
ReplyDelete~K
God's timing will be perfect and your heart will be at peace. Pray and He will lead. And girl... you got time.
ReplyDeleteI just have to say first off I LOVE LeAnna! And if anyone can give good advice it's her!! Such a heart of gold!
ReplyDeleteNow I don't have any great words of wisdom but what I will say is this. My childhood wasn't all that great, my mom was pretty difficult to say the least and my dad was my rock now the odd thing is my dad was an alcoholic but just completely different from how everyone else seems to have as alcoholics for parents. He was the most wonderful thing in the world. Having said that I as you know am a momma and I have been since I was 16 years old. I got pregnant with my son J when I was 15, I lived with my dad and J was born on my dad's Birthday. Regardless of my age he felt like J was the best Birthday gift he could have ever asked for. Sadly that alcoholism killed my dad 5 years ago at the young age of 50, he had an esophageal aneurysm (a blood clot in his esophagus) which caused him to go into cardiac arrest and he died. Anyhow what I feel is this, I couldn't have asked for a better gift in my children. Having J so young was pretty scary, my dad was always there for me but I was J's caretaker ALWAYS! After I was married at 19 my Hubby and I wanted more children and after a difficult time we got pregnant with DD, it was a difficult pregnancy and I almost lost my life. However I would never change anything, we wanted more children but it is not in God's plan so I accept that. You will find your answer through prayer and just letting things happen through HIS will!
Thank you for all the great advice. It is just such a huge thing:) Tj and mark- I have been waiting for the peace, but I don't have any on it and really not sure I ever would:) I think my fear keeps that from happening. I will just keep praying and ask GOD to just decide what is best for us!!! I think that is the best idea:)
ReplyDeleteThank you for all the great advice. It is just such a huge thing:) Tj and mark- I have been waiting for the peace, but I don't have any on it and really not sure I ever would:) I think my fear keeps that from happening. I will just keep praying and ask GOD to just decide what is best for us!!! I think that is the best idea:)
ReplyDeleteHey! I just came across your blog and was really touched by your last post. Choosing to have a family is a big decision and a great one at that. My spouse and I do not have children (yet) but many of those same questions have crossed our mind. It does seem like prayer and a strong relationship with your spouse can be key in getting through it...
ReplyDeleteHave a wonderful day!
Katie
I can honestly say that I am so fortunate that the decision was out of my hands. I did it all the wrong way-not married, dirt poor(had a job w/ insurance, but the job didn't pay worth a hoot).
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't trade my daughter for love or money. She is the greatest thing I have ever done in my life.
Considering I never wanted kids...thank goodness GOD saw fit to give her to me anyway.
And believe me...little kids don't care about the material things you can or cannot give them. A clean bed to sleep in, clean clothes to wear, food in their tummy and lots and lots of hugs, kisses, I-love-you's, snuggles and laughter is all they care about.
Teenagers? A whole nuther story-LOL. Don't matter how much they have...they aren't happy.;)
But you know, not having kids isn't the end of the world either. Lots of people have full and wonderful lives with their beloved spouses and never have children. You and your husband still have plenty of time to decide what is right for you.
PS-Glad to see ya back!
Lately I have been terrible at keeping up with my blog reading, so I'm sorry I'm getting here late!
ReplyDeleteI get asked all the time- when I'm getting married. But after two marriages to crappy men, even though this man isn't, I'm not in any hurry.
As for kids- I never thought I wanted kids. And now that I'm going to be 33 this year, I'm thinking it's not such a bad idea. Plus the cowboy already has two kids and I realize that while his kids are older- daughter graduates HS next year- I love the summer nights when we have a house-full of kids (his kids and nieces and nephews). There's something warm and fulfilling about it.
And BEC is right- kids don't care- they just need love, food and something to wear.
As for your family- you cant' live YOUR life wondering/worrying about how they're going to react to your decisions. So you do what you want, and they can get over it. Their problem, NOT yours.
S.D cowgirl- I have never wanted kids either, I love kids and loved being around them, but didn't want any of my own, but maybe it is the age thing that gets your biological clock ticking:) We will keep praying and see what happens:)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you were honest in your worries about parenting. I came from a similar background as well as a broken home. I never wanted to have kids unil I met my husband. You just know when its with the right man.
ReplyDelete1.)Don't worry about not letting your family watch them, there is nothing wrong with that. My sister and I don't let our dad and his GF watch our kids because he smokes and drinks and wasn't too great of a parent to us. It would be your OWN family and you and your husband make the rules.
2.) If we all waited until we could afford children, the majority of us never would have them. There are ways to offset costs. I breastfed and then when our daughter started solid food that cut that down. Breastfeeding meant we didn't have to buy $17-20 cans of formula. Also, look into cloth diapers. They are more modern that you think. http://www.diaperjunction.com/
(We used the fitted).We used them for the first six months and saved $20 per box of diapers. I'm wishing we had used them longer.
3.) I was also scared that I wouldn't be a good parent due to the way our father acted and that I would be just like him, but I realized that the change had to start with me. I had the choice to be like him or give my child the loving home and family that I wish I had.
Just pray about it. God will let you know what He wants.
Good Luck and God Bless,
Jaimi
Thank y'all very much for your comments and advice, it means a lot and it is great to hear from women that went through a lot of the same things I did. It is great to have such a great man that would make an awesome father:) Thank you again!!!
ReplyDelete