Well not moving:(

So again it fell through. The lady had called and said it was ours she would come from out of town on Sunday and we would sign all the papers and such and then we could move in the 15th. Well she hadn't bothered to say that was if she could get a hold of our current landlord who we can never get a hold of. She got all her other references on us and said she loved us but then calls today and was rude to Eric and said if we don't get the landlord to call by this afternoon she was going to give the place to someone else!! So now I have packed a lot of stuff up and my house is full of boxes everywhere but oh well it is going to stay like that. I am not going to unpack again. Someday we will find the right place near or far. Just frustrating is all. But I know GOD has other plans so I will just concentrate on that:)

Deeper blogging

I have found myself so many times wanting to write about things that are bugging me or that I am struggling with and then I stop myself because I don't want to sound like a whiner or a downer, but really to be honest I kind of started this blog so that I could write about my life as a whole. And really life has its ups and it has its downs. So I need to be more brave like some of my fellow bloggers and just write what is going on in this little head of mine.

It has been really hard the past couple weeks, I find myself sad and frustrated by so many things. I think part of not being able to just put a smile on my face and stay positive is that I feel so crappy physically. Everything has just been getting worse and worse and we just can't afford to get to the doctor. I know it is my health and that is important but if you can't you can't. So many people say well get on some disability or health help from the state and believe me I have tried, but our health care is broken!!!!!! Unless I get pregnant there is no programs out there for me right now. If anyone knows of something let me know and I will check into it. But with the Tularemia and cancer no insurance company wants to touch me for any amount of money and if they would it wouldn't cover anything but broken bones basically as the rest of the problems will be linked to the Tularemia and the cancer as that is how insurance companies get out of paying for it. Believe me I know I worked for an insurance company for 3 months and got a different job as I couldn't work for a place that screwed hard working people out of their money and did nothing for them!!!
I am still looking for work but with a 10% unemployment rate and living 40+ miles from town it has been hard to say the least. One office I interviewed at had 212 applicants and most of the others have had 60+ applicants. That is really hard to compete with. We are just lucky the housing and such comes with Eric's job so we barely scrape by to make it but then we have all the past medical bills and bills from when we lost the house so that keeps haunting us! So as you can see I feel overwhelmed and frustrated right now.
I pray about it and trust the LORD, but I know I am letting him down by still worrying about it. But it is soooooooo hard not to. I worry everyday that the cancer is back and that it is worse. But I just try to pray and keep my faith!
Sorry this is such a downer post but like I said life has its ups and downs and sometimes it is just nice to vent and get them off your chest, I appreciate everyone letting me do that. I have kept this blog private from my friends and most all my friends so that I can be free to really write without worry of what they will think or say. But honestly I find myself wondering what kind of friends are they if I can't share my struggles or feelings with them anyway. I know my family is not supportive or loving so I know better than to go to them with anything but it makes it very lonely.
I have lived out of state for almost 4 years now and have asked lots of friends and family to come visit and to come out for our wedding last September but only 3 have ever visited and no one made it out for the wedding. They all said they couldn't afford it but yet most all went on vacations instead to Vegas, Mexico, Florida, etc. That really hurts. I try to let it go, but it hurts. I am trying to just let all the hurt go as it doesn't hurt anyone but me!