I have been so hurt lately. Not just with everything going on with the jobs and such but with people!!! I know people are busy and have their own lives but I just honestly feel like I really don't matter that much to very many people. It is hurting me soooooooooooooo badly. It makes me cry and I know maybe it is stupid but it just really hurts. I have had some prity awesome relationships with people that were full of many good memories and great times and they mean the world to me but I don't feel like they mean anything to them. I know I am probably to over sensitive but it is hard. I mean when I go back to visit friends and family I walk through their houses and look at all the pictures of them and their family and friends and not one has us together! I have pictures everywhere of all the people I love and the good times and that is special to me. I don't know why that bothers me so bad but it did. It really did. The only person that had a picture of me was my best friend Candi who I cherish so much. She had pictures of me with her daughter when she was born and pictures of our fun times growing up. I know quit whining. I am just trying to be transparent and maybe writing this will help me deal with it.
I know part of the problem is that I live far away but still facebook and email are only a click away. I feel like I have to constantly be the one to keep the relationship going. Is it really a relationship if it is mostly one sided? I guess my hurt has just escalated from a lot of hurt over needing people and no one being there. I mean the biggest things in my life....My wedding, not a single one of my friends or family members came. How are you suppose to take that? Sure I understand it is expensive to travel and not everyone can but when they say they can't afford it but take off on vacations it makes it a little hurtful. When I was sick with my thyroid and had to have surgery no one was there. I just feel really unloved I guess. I find myself wanting to shut myself off from everyone. I know that isn't the right thing to do but it just keeps hurting worse and worse!!!!
Thanks for listening to my sadness. I know someday I will be back to the fun carefree posts but right now this is my life!! I have to say it makes me appreciate my blog friends that have shown much love and support, y'all have made a huge difference in my life!!!
Friends are always a difficult issue. I know my wife had to end a couple friendships because it always a one way friendship. I know it hurt my wife but now she has a couple real close gal friends and time has healed many hurts. I trust all gets better and the job situation turns around.
ReplyDeleteI sent you an email.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, we make friends on the internet who we become very close to and never get the chance to meet. I have a few of these. I bet you will soon too!
Friends are a hard thing to measure. Sometimes the ones we think are aren't and sometimes the ones we never knew we had materialize.
ReplyDeleteMostly I've learned over the years that true friends are the ones who are there for you when times get tough. That doesn't mean they have to fix things for us, just the fact they care and lend an ear matters and can be conforting.
Unfortunately there are not a lot of people who can really deal with that. Most people anything they can't control makes them uncomfortable so they hide. It doesn't make them bad people, just not compassionate people.
While you many not have the people surrounding you now that you would like, sounds to me you have a couple lending their support. In the big picture of things, having a couple is pretty darn good. It means you're not really alone, even though you might feel that way.
Hang in there.
Rising Rainbow. Very good advice:) I know that some people just can't deal and I definetly don't expect anyone to fix it for us but yes it is nice to just hear I am thinking about you or just wanted to see how it was going. SO thanks for the note. Means tons!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's tough sometimes. I understand about the 1-way relationships. I moved 1/2 way across the country 30 years ago, and finally gave up trying to hold on to relationships from school. You do wonder if you mean anything at all to people who mean a lot to you. With email/facebook it's improved a bit--until I realized all I was getting back was simple answers to questions I asked about their lives, never any interest in my family's lives... Very disheartening.
ReplyDeleteJust hang in there and make the best of it. Develop new friends when/where you can, and realize that there's many different levels of friends. You probably have more than you thing.