So this year I really want to change some things. One of the main things is I want to learn to not be afraid of people. Yes this will probably come as a surprise to a lot of people, but I am utterly scared to death of people. Yes it is true!! To pick up the phone and call someone about makes me throw up. I know that sounds weird but when you have been violated emotionally, physically and sexually by people throughout your life it really causes a lot of pain and distrust. I am sooooo very blessed to be free of all that now but the hurt and the pattern is still there. I know it is a defense mechanism and it did keep me safe in the past but it has also kept me from building relationships and allowing good people in. I want to change that this year. I want to be able to pick up the phone and have a chat with those I love and care about. I want to be able to go out in public without feeling so stressed out. I know a lot of that has to do with self image to and I don't have a good one of those especially not with all the extra weight(which I want to change this year also) but I want to enjoy life and not worry so much!!!
To be honest with all the things that I have went through in life I can't believe I am as normal as I am:) But really without GOD I wouldn't have made it through. So I am going to rely on him to help me with this, this year:)
You fake it pretty good then kiddo. In person, you are so warm and friendly. I've never seen a glimmer of that insecurity.
ReplyDeleteThanks LaTonne and yes I do try and not let it show. I don't want it to ruin things for me:) I try to just enjoy myself but in the back of my head I am scared out of my mind. You have really helped me in this area this year for sure. It is so great to get to know ya and you are so kind and easy going:) I am glad we get to spend time together:)
ReplyDeleteI love you you've been able to Give it all to God! I relate to your situation, in the past I too was so insecure. But by God's Grace and my loving husband's patience, I am now an outgoing, talkative, and positive person to be around!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to tell you that I appreciate your honesty and that I'll be praying for your "phone powers" lol... You Can Do It!