Fighting your own body!!!

I fight my own body daily!  What I mean by that is that my heart and mind is energetic, adventurous and determined   But my body is a mess:(  I always say I wish I could have one day to feel normal and good.  I can't think back and remember one day that I felt good.  I have always had issues with things since I was little.  I have never said it aloud but I think some may have come from the things my mom did while she was pregnant but we don't know and we can't change it.  But I have always had issues with my stomach(ulcers, acid reflex, etc)  My body has just not been well.
   I just get so mad and frustrated that I want to go and do and my body won't let me:(  I am tough and I can push through what most people can't and there are times I can't.  But as a woman we want to be beautiful and thin and healthy.  Me I am not.  I look at myself and it makes me SO sad.  I have aged sooooo much and gained sooooooo much since the thyroid went to crap and no matter what I do I can't get it to change.  When my thyroid finally really quit I gained 70lbs in about 2 1/2 months and no matter what I do I can't loose it.  I had my thyroid removed 4 years ago this month and in that 4 years it has only been in "normal" range for 2 months.  It changed constantly and we don't know why.  So it is VERY frustrating.  We are trying to work it out to get on the us health insurance so I can get in to see a specialist.  But it is all so much,  I feel like I am being buried by my own body. I feel trapped.  I feel ugly.  I feel worthless.  These are horrible feelings to have but they are there.  I keep going and I keep fighting but it is hard and it takes a toll on a person.
   The cancer haunts me daily especially with some of the recent tests showing spots on my ribs and liver.  I try to have a great outlook but it is hard.  I know others struggle daily with thyroid issues and other issues.  It is very hard and I know I am not alone.  I just hope there is something to help me to feel better.
   Sorry for righting a bummer post but it is the real in my life and between that and my arm and neck problems it is really kickin me down.  I keep fighting and trying to stay positive and keep goin but to be honest I am TIRED:( SOOOOO TIRED!
  I hope somewhere down the road I can look at this blog and see my struggle but no that I beat it!! Thanks for bearing with me!