I know, I know I haven't been on here much. The truth is I have been avoiding it. It is time I woman up and be honest. I had a couple prity bad experiences with people being judgemental and just plain mean actually on here. But then I decided you know what I started this blog to share my feelings and life and even more than that to be able to look back and see how I grow. So I need to stop avoiding this and quit worrying. I tend to worry too much about what others think and I don't want that to hold me back in life.
It has been a big learning and growing experience being here in Oregon in the past 6 months. I really didn't even want to move here. Of course part of me wanted to. Part of me wanted to be closer to my close friends and family but at the same time I know that in reality some of those friendships and relationships aren't good or healthy. In life you always want to be able to count on family and friends and you want it to be loving and kind and in reality sometimes it just isn't this way. You can't change others that is for sure. I had said before we came here that I really didn't want to because in my heart I knew what I wanted and expected wasn't reality. So it has been a rough go. I am trying to learn though. It isn't only about others and there choices for sure, but about me and how I have been. I have acted like a person I really don't care to be. Getting caught up in talking about others and their life and what I think is right-wrong and what they should and shouldn't do. That is SO WRONG!!! It is really easy to look from the outside in and judge but it isn't right or ok. We don't know truly how a person can deal with things. We don't know everything they have gone through. Now I am not saying you should excuse bad or immoral behavior or let dangerous people into your life. I believe sometimes you have to stay away from some people and bad situations.
I have just found being back here to be hard and filled me with anxiety. I hear people talking behind my back, or hear of people talking behind my back. I don't like it and it HURTS DEEPLY!!!! but even more than that I don't like it and it hurts so I don't want to do the same to others. I may not agree with their choices or their way of doing things but if they aren't hurting me or putting me in danger what good will I do them if I am judging them and talking bad about them. It does nothing for no one! I don't want to be that person!
I will try and write more and share more good and the struggles:) I don't want to feel like I can't share and I want to be able to look back and know I was always me and that maybe it will help others who struggle tol.
No comments:
Post a Comment